


And In The Darkness Of My Soul, I Saw You

by IrxnStrxnge



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Arrogance, Betrayal, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Howard Stark Is The Worst Father, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Like really really slow, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Marvel Universe, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regret, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, anger issues, marvel AU, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-05-03 00:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14556651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrxnStrxnge/pseuds/IrxnStrxnge
Summary: He didn’t survive that living hell in Afghanistan to lose him now.--“I’m sorry.”“For what?”“Everything.”Stephen's heart soared.“Go to sleep, Anthony.”There was a faint “Good night.” Stephen didn’t answer until he was sure that the other man wasasleep. “Good night, Tony. I'm sorry as well.” His words echoed unheard in the dark living room.





	1. Capture

Darkness. Pain. He couldn't see, couldn't feel anything besides the raging pain in his chest. His hands were numb, his legs wouldn't move. He opened his mouth but except for a pitiful gurgle, nothing made its way into the pitch black. What had happened?

 _Think._ His brain had never let him down so far.  _Think. You can figure this out._ It took a few moments for his hands to cooperate but finally, they started to move. He was lying on a hard surface, probably stone. He vaguely felt a thin fabric underneath his back and thighs what could be a blanket.

Any further inspections were interrupted by a new wave of white-hot pain shooting through his limbs and directly into his chest. This time he gasped aloud by the intensity of which it hit him and his back arched off the cold ground. After his hands had stopped cramping he hesitantly reached for the source of his suffering, afraid of what he might find there.

There were around 10 centimetres left before he should have reached skin but his fingers connected with something, something hard. Something made out of metal. His whole body froze.  _Don't. Panic. Whatever you do, don't you fucking panic now. Oh my god you fucking did it, you are going to have a panic attack in a dark and abandoned room which might actually be hell._

Air was leaving his weak body rapidly, the warm exhales the only thing warming his face. The fingers still glued to the middle of his chest slowly started examining the machinery. It appeared to be round and uneven, definitely metal, and it was attached to him. The urge to just rip it out was threatening to overtake him.

One quick pull and it would be over. Either he died and could leave this wretched world or he actually, against all odds, survived and wouldn't have to deal with a goddamn metal ball inside of him.

He was trying to get a good grip on it when he felt what appeared to be 2 cables which were connected to the metal ring. _Oh for Christ's sake. Am I running on batteries now? Was only a matter of time, actually._

Abandoning the idea of ripping himself free he took a steady breath. He tried to clear his head but with not even the faintest clue where he actually was and a consistent pain in his body he had little energy left to do anything besides staying awake. He sent a silent prayer to god or whatever damned creature was the ruler of this place to at least give him the ability to see.

Apparently, someone heard him for a door was opened somewhere to his right. The cracking sound it made proved to be too much for his ears, who had bathed in the sound of complete silence (besides his heavy breathing) so far. His head buzzed and the fear crept up that his brain might actually be damaged.

The overstimulation of his senses continued when the barely opened door let a lonely crack of light into the room which, of course, landed right on his goddamn face. His eyes closed immediately but even with closed lids the world still was a horrid shade of orange.

He regretted his plea. Ignorance and darkness were so much better than having to face his situation because he knew that if he was to look down he'd see what had happened to his body. _Please, just finish me off already._

His insides were on fire and even though it must have been around 20 seconds since the light first hit him his vision was still a blurry mess of grey and yellow whenever he dared to open his eyes. He decided to sit up. 

A horrible decision, really.

The moment he tried to move his whole body for the first time in this lonely cave would be forever etched in his mind. To this day he never had felt that amount of pain at once. His fingers curled into a fist, even his toes started to cramp. He would have laughed at his ridiculously petty body if he wasn't so busy groaning his pain out aloud.

 _Well, I certainly won't try that again._ The room got brighter and he figured that whoever was at the door wanted to get a closer look at the show he was putting on. After all, it was quite a spectacle to see Tony Stark writhing on the floor like a helpless infant.

Slowly, he lifted his still trembling right hand to shield his sensitive eyes but it turned out to be not necessary. A body leaned over him and blocked the unnatural light source which he was thankful for at this point. He still couldn't see a damn thing but the fact that someone else was in the room did more than just scare him.

Then he heard it, a voice, low and gravely. God, it sounded like someone just ate a whole cigarette package. For a few seconds he couldn't make out what the person was saying but he swore that he heard something along the lines of "Get him u-"

Two rough hands grabbed him under his upper arms and yanked him up.  _This is it. The end of Anthony Edward Stark. Alone, in a dirty cave, surrounded by nothing but filth. The old man is gonna be so disappointed. So much effort put into me continuing his legacy and all for nothing._

His eyes blinked open.

He slowly took in his surrounding. There were four men around him, two of them were holding his upper body up while his legs were still lying uselessly on the ground. Another one, a shabby looking fella, bold and with a scarf around his neck, was towering just a few inches above him. Cigarette mouth, he decided. If looks could kill he'd probably be a cold corpse on the ground already.

Tony didn't notice at first but there was another man with them, standing far behind the close asshole. Hair was only on his temples left and his broken glasses and out of control stubble separated him from the others, who even though not the prettiest lads, were clearly taking care of themselves. The man looked at him with a strange expression which came near compassion.

Great. If there was one thing he hated more than being kidnapped, it was being pitied. Pity didn't have any use whatsoever. Kidnapping, on the other hand, was usually a good way to get a nice amount of money from some smug rich idiot.

He got slapped. Hard. The blow made another groan leave his mouth. "I told you to listen! Is your name Anthony Edward Stark?" Cigarette mouth appeared to be angry. He knew Tony for, what, two minutes? and already hated him.  _Story of my life, I guess._

The first time he tried to answer his voice got stuck in his throat which earned him another slap. This time he felt his skin rip open on his cheek but compared to the other things that had happened in the last 10 minutes he didn't really mind. At least the fresh blood slowly trickling down his face distracted him from his chest.

"I don't like repeating myself, boy, so you better start talking."

He suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Of course, he'd talk if he had been able to but his mouth felt like the Sahara. Couldn't someone get him something to water his mouth, like a nice calming whiskey?

"I think he needs something to drink first."

Tony's eyes shot to the man in the back. Finally someone with a functioning brain. As it turned out he was the only one in the group. Without taking his eyes off him, fashionista replied:

"Oh, he'll get a good drink, once he's started to cooperate. Now..."

He grabbed Tony's by the back of his head and pulled him backwards. He could feel how greasy his hair was.  _How long have I been here?_  He met the eyes of his tormentor, a dark shade of brown locked onto him. Oh, what he'd give to rather look at a pair of blue ones right now.

"Your. Name."

Tony took a deep breath and, never breaking eye contact with him, said:

"Well, would be a shame if you got the wrong guy now, would it?"

Talking back to someone clearly in control wasn't his best idea but he seriously couldn't care less. After all, he appeared to be a robot now. What more could they do to him?

He expected another slap or something worse but not the shit-eating grin that spread across his opposites face.

"It's him. Welcome, Mister Stark."

"Mister Stark is my father.", he explained, voice cracking and on the edge to disappearing again. His throat hurt like hell and he desperately wanted to sleep. "I'm just his embarrassing child."

The hand in his hair let go and started drifting towards his cheek where it halted and slowly petted it.  _What is this? Silence of the fucking lambs?_

"Well, let's hope you are wrong about that. It would be quite a shame for Howard Stark to have his only legacy be a disappointment."

His fingers were oily and just too rough on his broken cheek. Not at all what he was used to, what he craved right now. Nevertheless, a rough chuckle forced his way out at that last comment.

"You just wait, he'll eventually find a way to replace me."

It was intended to sound funny but after considering it for a short moment, it actually sounded like something the old man would do the minute he had the chance.

The dirty smile he received actually sent a shiver down his spine. By god, that man was ugly. Thankfully, he let go of him and reached into the pocket of his long brown coat to pull something out. It looked like a crumpled picture but from his current position, Tony couldn't see what it showed.

"Oh, I seriously doubt that, Mister Stark.", he almost whispered before turning around. Walking to the man in the back he pressed the picture into his thin hands and leaned into him. Hushed words were exchanged in a language that was unfamiliar to Tony's ears.

Then he raised his hand and, with a snap, the two men let go of him. Well, not really let go of him but more like violently pushed him to the floor. His reflexes probably saved him from a broken jaw and whatever would have happened when the metal thing in his chest connected with the ground.

Kneeling on the floor he didn't notice three of the four men slowly leaving. Before the sound of a closed-door echoed in the room, a light was switched on. All the while, Tony stayed with his head bowed and hands spread out in front of him on the floor.  _I probably look like a dying animal._

Several moments passed where nothing but heavy breathing could be heard and occasionally, his blood dripping from his cheek and onto the stone before a quiet voice with a heavy accent spoke up.

"Do you need help getting up?"

"No, I just admire the view at the moment.", he hissed back angrily.

Having to admit that he was in need of help wasn't something anyone would like to do but for Tony it was especially hard since a camera was always nearby, lurking and gawking like a vulture. Privacy wasn't something he was used to.

Soft footsteps could be heard and shortly after he was grabbed again, this time it was an arm who snarked himself way around his stomach and carefully pulled him up. The other hand reached down beside him and picked up-  _IS THAT A CAR BATTERY ATTACHED TO ME?!_

"Easy now, we don't want you getting hurt.", the man soothed while slinging Tony's arm around his shoulder and escorting him with slow limping steps away from the middle of the room.

"Taking precautions now, are we? Should have told that the two guys who were determined to crash my face into the ground."

His legs almost gave in when he spotted a mattress in a corner at the far end of the room. It was a shabby thing, full of holes and littered with weird yellow and brown stains but right now, it looked like heaven.

Slowly, his body was turned and pushed onto the mattress so he was leaning with his back against the wall which, even though a little rough, turned out to be a good supporter for his hurting back. The battery was placed beside him.

He lifted his head to be greeted by a concerned face and a glass of water. He had no idea where it came from but he thankfully took it and downed it in one go. The cool liquid trickled down his throat bringing new energy into his limbs.

"Are you alright?", the man asked while he walked over to a desk and started pulling open different drawers. "I reckon by now you figured out that something isn't right with you."

"Are you talking about the fact that someone has turned me into a cyborg?", Tony mumbled, distracted by the inspection of what turned out to really be a car battery. His chest was connected. To. A. Battery.

"That someone was me and you're welcome by the way." A small mirror was pressed into his hands. "Go on, take a look at it, Stark. I think you will be quite impressed."

So far, he had refused to look at it but the temptation was too much. Placing the mirror in front of his chest and gazing down the sight he was met with was hideous.

The metal ring was even bigger than he expected and even more ugly. The skin around it was damaged, old, dried blood stains making it all even worse. Quickly, he put the mirror down.

"Impressed? Thanking you? Are you insane?!" His outbreak was interrupted by a series of loud coughs. Clearly, that one glass of water hadn't been enough. After having regained a certain amount of composure, Tony spoke up again, much quieter this time.

"What the hell did you do to me?"

The man took a seat in a chair across him. "What I did? I already told you what I did. I saved your life. I removed all the shrapnel I could but there is a lot left and it's headed into your-"

"Wait a minute, I'm not following. Shrapnel? Why were there shrapnel in me?" He had gone from angry to confused the longer his opposite kept talking.  _What is he on about?_

It was his turn to look confused then, but only for a second before an understanding look appeared on his face which was followed by a short nod.

"Of course. Temporary loss of memory is quite common after an accident like that.", he explained more to himself. "Well, I guess I have to fill in the gaps until your memories return." He leaned forward, eyes fixed on Tony's. "What do you remember?"

"I-" He broke off. Good question, actually. What did he remember? "I remember sitting in a car."

"Where?", came the encouraging voice.

"In the back seat." Tony couldn't help but snicker at the annoying look he received. "I don't know where. I think I just returned from a weapon demonstration." He closed his eyes as the memory came flooding back. The presentation had been a success, earning Stark Industries the biggest deal to this day.

Not something to be happy about, judging from Howard Stark's mood throughout the day. Of course, Tony was used to the cold treatment he received from him but after he managed to secure that deal at least a thank you would have been in order.

But there was nothing besides a short nod. Not even a small smile of gratitude. Nothing. The old man just proceeded to talk with the partners. Usually, he just ignored the disappointment that spread inside him, that made him a bit colder towards the world but that time it was too much.

Angrily, he had excused himself and got into one of the waiting military cars, determined to return to their hotel and ignore him for the rest of the trip. He was taking pictures with one of the soldiers in the backseat when-

It all came back.

With a startled gasp he clutched his chest, almost falling over in the process. He remembered. Oh god, he remembered it all. The faces of the soldiers as they died trying to protect him, the holes in the car as machine guns were mercilessly fired at it.

He remembered practically flinging himself out of the car, ignoring the instruction of the now dead soldiers just minutes before, and tumbling through the massacre in search of some shelter.

He remembered squashing himself behind a tiny rock, the only protection he could find, and pulling out his phone to dial the number of-

He remembered the missile that landed beside him, how it ticked just long enough for him to stand up and shield his face and then exploded. He could still feel the power with which he was flung back and onto the ground.

He was panting loudly and barely noticed another glass of water getting pressed into his hand, which he almost let go of thanks to his twitching fingers. A shaking hand brought the glass to his chapped lips. This time the water seemed to get stuck in his throat causing him to splutter it all over himself.

"You need to breathe, Stark. Long, deep breaths. There we go." He had sat down on the mattress beside Tony and placed a supporting hand on his shoulder, slowly rubbing it. Well, that wasn't something he was used to. Comfort from an older man, what an extraordinary experience.

"Feeling better?"

His head whipped around to stare the man down. "Better?! I got close to being blown up by a missile with my family name on it! There are cables coming out of my body and I'm likely going to die." He lightly pulled on one of the cables to emphasize his last statement.

"You-", came a quiet reply but Tony ignored it. He was just getting started.

"And even IF I get out of this hell, which is unlikely, my father will still find a way to blame this all on me. Thinking about it, maybe I don't want to get out of here after-"

"Your father won't be able to blame you for anything ever again."

The remark hung heavily between them. The comment from cigarette mouth came back to him. Tony knew what it implied, after all, what genius would he be if he didn't? What a shame that there was a difference between understanding and accepting.

"What are you implying?", he asked after several more moments of awkward silence.

The quiet sigh was more than enough of an answer.

"I think you know what that means, Stark. Shortly after you got attacked they went for the rest of them. No survivors."

"That isn't possible. We had an escort-"

"And what a marvellous job they did at guarding you."

Anger sparked inside him. Soldiers had given their  lives trying to protect him and here they were being disrespected. They were caught off guard and outgunned. He pouted his lips to keep a snarky remark from coming out.

"So you want to tell me that the old man is really dead?", he threw at him matter of factly. To be honest, he was shocked at how little he cared. That was his father they were talking about.

But there was nothing. Maybe it was the shock, maybe it wasn't. Damn, he was more upset about the dead soldiers.  _That's because they actually cared about you_ ,a little voice in the back of his head whispered.

"I'm sorry, Stark."

He shrugged. "It's alright. We had it coming all along." A shiver ran through his body and he only now really realised that he was bare-chested and the cold from the cold wall started creeping into his bones.

Still having a hand on his shoulder the man, of course, noticed it. "Here." He got up quickly and disregarded of his heavy coat. It was handed to Tony and he slung it over his shoulders while muttering a quiet thanks.

He picked up the little mirror beside him again and another question came to his mind. "So, what is this exactly?"

"Why don't you reach into the right pocket first. You'll find a nice souvenir there what will help to explain it."

Rolling his eyes, he eventually did as he was told and pulled out a little glass vial. It was filled with little pointy fragments and smears of blood. With a raised eyebrow he waited for the elaboration.

"I've seen many wounds like that in my village. They call it The Walking Dead because it takes about a week for the shrapnel to reach the vital organs. That-" He pointed at the thing in his chest. "Is an electromagnet hooked up to a car battery and it's keeping them from entering your heart."

Tony defensively pulled the heavy coat more tightly around him, successfully hiding the magnet.  _Out of sight, out of mind._ He tried to change the subject.

"That man from earlier, he gave you a picture and said something to you." The man nodded and walked back to the desk where he apparently disposed of the photograph earlier. He threw it at Tony.

"Know what that is?", he asked and his voice took on a more irritated tone. Tony soon found out why. He recognised the picture immediately.

"That's the Jericho, the weapon we presented right before-" Bad idea thinking about it.

A flash of pain knocked the breath out of him. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to fight the rising panic inside him _. Alright, thinking about it is apparently a no go. Noted._  He cleared his throat. "It's one of Stark Industries newest weapons."

"They want you to build it."

His answer came immediately. "I refuse." He'd never do anything for these assholes, especially building that weapon. The word mass destruction was not enough to describe the damage it could do.

"They won't like to hear that, Stark."

"I don't care."

Only that he did, just not enough to betray his country. Too many people were relying on him. Howard Stark was dead, he was the face of Stark Industries now and he'd do anything to keep their creations away from this place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uf, here we go! My first ever IronStrange fic.  
> I have been a fan of this ship for years now and it makes me so happy that it finally gets recognized.  
> Always feel free to leave comments and criticism.  
> I really hope you'll enjoy this story!


	2. Regret

As it turned out, they really didn't like his answer.

He only vaguely remembered being pressed into water, his breath being cut out over and over again until he was on the edge of unconsciousness, how they continued to pull him back out by his hair only to slam him back in a few moments later.

Still, he refused.  _They won't get me to even lift one damn finger._

At one point they dragged him and Yinsen, the name of his new 'friend', outside. The scene in front of him resembled a horror movie. Dozens of containers, filled with machine guns, missiles and worse. Every single one of them had the name of Stark Industries on them.

Tony wanted to throw up, what he promptly did once they were pushed back inside their prison with the warning that his time to start cooperating was running out. A few hours later the two of them were sitting around a small fire, a beanie and thick sweater helping him to keep warm.

He was absently staring into the flames, thinking about nothing, thinking about everything.

His mom, how she had to suffer right now, all alone in their giant house, knowing that her husband was dead, not knowing if her son was alive or not.

He thought about the few friends he had back home.

Rhodey, who was probably just as worried as his mother about him. He was like the brother he had always wished for. He didn't mind any of Tony's bullshit and always had his back, no matter how irritating he was towards others and him.

Pepper, who was the only one to really know all of his secrets. She could be controlling sometimes but Tony knew that most of the time it was out of concern for him and the way he was practically working himself to death.

He thought about  _him_. They hadn't parted as friends, there had been a fight, a big one. Insults had been thrown and received, every single one more hurtful than the last. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't be the one to come crawling back. Oh, how regret filled him at the memory of it.

_That's enough now. Since when are you such an emotional whiner?_

He lifted his head to find Yinsen quietly eating the vomit their captors had the nerve to call food. He also gazed into the flames, a much more peaceful look on his face.

"Do you have any family back home in your village?"

They hadn't talked about his life so far. All Tony knew was that he had been taken as a hostage because of his engineering and medical expertise.

He didn't know if it was a topic he wanted to be discussed but the need to offer him some sort of emotional comfort, as little as he would be capable of giving, had been strong for a while now. He wanted to give something back in return.

At first, he thought that his question hadn't been heard but they were sitting close and his voice had returned during the evening. Then the idea that he just didn't want to talk about it, at least not with him, crossed his mind.

After what felt like minutes to Tony but we're probably just a few heartbeats, in reality, Yinsen lifted his head and smiled at him.

"Oh yes, and I will see them again once we leave here."

He raised an eyebrow. "We? I don't want to darken your spirits but I doubt that I'll still be alive by the end of the week." He fully meant it. That car battery beside him was nice and all but sooner or later, it would run out of energy and then he'd be fucked.

"No, not if you keep on starving yourself and being so negative.", exclaimed the older man with a headshake. "I don't understand you, Stark. Why do you so desperately want to die in a cave in Afghanistan?"

Tony stared at him angrily. With a hard voice he answered:

"Of course I don't wanna die here but if the only way to survive is to build them the Jericho I have no other choice."

"And why is that? You saw the weapons outside, they already have a lot of them and-"

"-and that is nothing compared to the Jericho. No, I'll not build that missile for them."

Yinsen threw his hands in the air, a loud, irritated huff filling the space between them.

"Does that really matter? That, out there, the weapons, is your father's legacy, your lega-"

"That out there is NOT MY LEGACY!", Tony roared, kicking the bowl with untouched 'food' inside of it into the fire. He watched silently as the flames devoured the wood.

It was always, ALWAYS, about Howard Stark. Could no one in this goddamn world judge him for himself? Was that really too much to ask for?

"I am not my father, I am my own man.", he explained, much quieter now. "And even my father, as horrible of a parent as he was, would have never sold these kinds of people weapons. They must have gotten them some other way."

His eyes returned to Yinsen. He was sitting there opposite of him, hands folded under his chin, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"That doesn't change the fact that when people are going to die, it will be through weapons with your father's and your name on it."

Not wanting to lose control of his temper again, Tony bit the inside of his cheek instead. Honestly, what could he actually say to that?  _Nothing, because there is nothing to say. He is right._

He dropped his gaze, softly whispering:

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"So, what do you want to talk about, Stark?" He could hear a bowl getting refilled.  _How did he manage to get that stuff down and keep it in his stomach? It looks and smells like shit._

After a moment of thinking, he knew. "Well, we were actually talking about you in the beginning. You said that you have a family. Did you mean a wife? Children?" He was actually curious. From what he witnessed so far, the man would be an amazing father.

"Ah, yes. A beautiful wife and daughter back in my village, Gulmira. They are the lights of my life." Even without looking up, he could hear the smile on his face.

"You sound awfully cheerful.", Tony mumbled. They were prisoners with practically no chance of escaping and he still had the nerve to smile.

"Of course, I do. This is my family we are talking about after all. If there is anything to be happy about in this world, it's this."

A dark chuckle rumbled in his stomach. "If you say so."

"What about you, Stark? Got someone special in your life? A beautiful, young girl currently crying her eyes out?", he got asked, jokingly.

Tony had to smile at his remark. "Not so wrong. He IS quite the Drama Queen but I doubt that he is crying. I have given him no reason to do so, at least.", he whispered more to the flames than his friend.

He lifted his head and was met with an astonished glance. "Oh, I see. I have to say I'm surprised."

Tony smiled sadly at him. "Yeah, I saw it written all over your face."

Yinsen quickly shook his head. "Please don't get me wrong, Stark. There is nothing wrong about that. The media just always made it seem like you were quite the womanizer."

"Hmm, was the old man's idea. We can't have anyone know about this, Tony. It could affect the company, Tony. That's a nice lady, Tony. Why don't you take her out somewhere? How about a place with a lot of cameras and while you're at it, give her a good snog."

He was practically hissing the last words, letting out all of his build-up frustration. It had taken him more than 3 months to build up the courage to tell the old man and the reaction he had gotten couldn't have been worse.

It would have been even better if he would have gotten mad, telling him that he wouldn't allow his son to behave like that, that he should find himself a wife to have children and grow old with.

It would have been horrible, yes, but still, it would have been about him. Not about the company, not about their image. Not like everything fucking else always was. It would have been about Tony.

But it hadn't been. Nothing would ever be about him as a person.

A soft cough brought him back to the present. Yinsen looked like he regretted bringing the subject up but honestly, Tony was thankful for it. He needed to talk about it, get it off his chest.

"I think we lost track of the original conversation, Stark. You mentioned a boy earlier as I recall?", he asked with a small smile.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Did I?" Then he remembered. "Oh, yes but that is nothing, we are nothing. Just friends, not even anymore I guess. I-" He scoffed in defeat and lowered his head. "It's-"

"-complicated.", Yinsen finished with a sigh. "Honestly, Stark. Why am I not surprised? Let me guess: You two were friends and then you started to catch feelings for him and somehow messed it up?"

He sounded so much like one of those fathers scolding their children in drama shows Tony used to watch as a kid. It made his stomach flutter.

"Yeah, kind of. We were friends since childhood. He was one of the few people in my life who really liked me for who I was, not because of my status or fame. Maybe that's why I fell for him."

The old man managed to deprive him of any amount of self-worth so that the first person who really showed interest in him as a person and not a poster boy managed to catch him off guard.

_You are such a joke._

"Doesn't sound so bad so far. What happened?", came the pressing question.

Tony put his head in his hands and groaned. He hated talking about this. "I happened. What do most people do when they realise that they have feelings for someone?" He honestly had no idea. Human interaction wasn't his strength.

"I went for the 'Ignore until it's gone' method but after that didn't work I decided to handle it like I handle everything else in my life: with pure logic.", he continued mumbling in his hands and refusing to look up because he knew the look he would receive.

"And, well, my brain told me that this would never work out so I took precautions." He shook his head. "I pushed him away and fucked it all up, not just my chance but also the friendship I had with him."

He heard Yinsen shift and stan up. He sat down beside him. "Might I ask why you thought that it wouldn't work out?"

Tony didn't know how good it could feel to open up and nodded slowly before lifting his head and continuing.

"To start with, his ego is even bigger than mine." He was forced to pause as a disbelieving huff made his way out of Yinsens mouth. "It really is. Truth be told, I don't even know how we managed to stay friends for so long."

He had to smile at the memory of their constant bickering. It usually had been light-hearted, only escalating a few times but they somehow always managed to get over their pride.

"But we did and then I destroyed it. I just knew we would never be an end game. You don't know him but he is quite frankly the most beautiful person I have ever seen. The ladies throw himself at him and he always seems to enjoy it so..", he finished, his voice barely able to be heard anymore.

He looked to his side. Yinsen studied his face closely before cocking his head to the side. "Ever wondered if he just tried to hide it like you?"

Tony shook his head. "Why would he? There would be no reason for him to hide.", he declared. He was the eldest of three children with a bright future in medicine and parents who supported his every move. Why should he feel the need to hide?

His friend let out a sad sigh. "Maybe not for the same reasons as you, Stark but sadly, there is still a big problem with homophobia to this day. Maybe he was scared that he'd lose his friends."

With a scoff, he declined that idea. "He doesn't care about other people and their opinions as long as they don't stand in his way to become a surgeon. Like I said, his arrogance protects him from getting hurt."

"Like it protects you?" 

That comment made him shut up.

"Listen, Stark. You might not believe it but I have met many people in my life. Good people, bad people, and I have learned a lot about them. Arrogance often is a facade. The most arrogant people are the most insecure about themselves."

Yinsen scooted closer to him and put, like so often these last few days, a hand on his shoulders. a smile spread out on his face.

"A successful career isn't the only thing that makes your life worth living, Tony. You and your friend need to understand that."

He knew that, of course. Hell, he would have never chosen this life if there had been a choice. But he didn't have anything to say in that matter.

Being born to the most famous weapons engineer in the world, his life had never been his to live. What an interesting turn it would have taken if he hadn't been a genius.

Probably would have ended up in an orphanage at the age of 2.

"Maybe it isn't for other people."  _For normal people with normal lives. For people with an actual future._ "And maybe it isn't for my friend." He could only hope. "But it was for me."

Tony straightened himself, tired and scared of showing so much vulnerability.

"So you don't want to change your life?", came the uncertain question.

He scoffed and raked a hand through his steady growing, greasy hair. Of course, they wouldn't provide them with a barber but was a razor or some scissors too much to ask for? The wild beard was really starting to get on his nerves.

"There is a difference between wanting to do something and actually being able to."

His eyes darted to the side. "This is all speculation, anyway. It doesn't matter if I wanted to change. I will-"

"Doesn't it?"

"I WILL be dead by the end of this week.", he finished coldly.

"Alright." Yinsen sounded everything but sad. He tried to ignore the disappointment that took a hold of him. "Then this will be a very important week for you, won't it?" With that, he stood up, the hand on his shoulder leaving a cold spot when it got pulled back.

Tony's gaze lingered on him as he retreated back into the dark corner which he referred to as his bedroom.

He turned his back on the man getting ready for bed and closed his eyes. He knew what Yinsen expected of him. Hell, it was the same his common sense expected from him.

To get up, to pull himself together and to do something about his situation.  _Yeah, big words. That's all there is. How are you going to do it though?_

_And more importantly, why should you do it?_

That was the question he had been battling with since waking up here. Why should he do this, fighting back? Who should he fight for?

His mother? Yes, she would be happy if he returned, for a time. Sooner or later, she would blame him for the death of her husband, Tony was sure of it.

And why shouldn't she? This was his fault after all. He had broken up their escort when he returned to the hotel just because he felt rejected by a man known for his cold composure.

_Pathetic. That's what you are, pathetic. Desperate for approval._

His friends would miss him. Yes, Rhodey and Pepper would miss him but in time, they would get over it, they would get over him.

Pepper, who besides having a slight temper problem, would do splendidly in business management one day. She certainly had the mind for it, he'd been telling her that for months now.

Rhodey, who had his whole life before him, just having turned 20 and already looking forward to a successful military career.

A wave of fear washed over him when he realised how easily this could have been his friend dying in that car, trying to fight off these terrorists. He would have never forgiven himself if that had happened.

Hell, he could never forgive himself for being responsible for the death of the soldiers who he had known for a total of maybe 10 minutes. Their names might be unknown to him but their faces would forever be etched in his mind.

Then a new question came to his mind: If he buried his head in the sand now, what would have these soldiers died for then? _Nothing._

If he gave up now, who would be the one to bring justice to these assholes? Who would get his fathers weapons out of their hands?  _No one._

Yinsen had told him about all of it. Called themselves 10 rings, mayor dickheads, almost impossible to track down. Loyal customers of Stark Industries. 

He still shuddered at his choice of words.

If he died now, how could he go back home and apologize to everyone he has ever hurt? How could he apologize to  _him_?  _I couldn't._

His eyes flew open. No, this couldn't be the end of Stark Industries and more importantly, this couldn't be the end of Tony Stark.

Stretching his tired limbs, he picked up his battery and stood. There was little time left and a lot of work to do. Since sleep most likely wouldn't find him this night he might as well start right away.

His body was in desperate need of some rest, not really haven't gotten any since he first woke up in here but every time his eyes closed for more than a few minutes horrible pictures and memories were starting to play behind his eyelids.

There had been a few attempts at sleep which have all ended the same way, with a loud screaming and an uncontrollably shaking Tony Stark. So, no sleep for now even if it meant feeling like shit. Anything was better than those nightmares.

He sat down at his desk and looked at the picture of the Jericho. He picked it up, stared at it, shook his head and ripped it apart. _Let's see how you idiots can cope with me changing the game._

Picking up a pen and an old piece of paper which had taken an ugly shade of yellow, he started to write, the flickering light of the little lamp beside him the only light source in the dark night.

 

* * *

 

 "Yinsen, Yinsen! Wake up, I need to get some equipment. How can I get the attention of the guys outside?", Tony asked while shaking his still sleeping friend.  _Damn it, wake up already!_

Another rough shake and the eyes of the man beneath him flew open. "Stark!" He sat up straight forcing Tony to lightly stumble backwards. "You scared me. What is this all about?", he asked, voice still groggy.

"Like I said: I need some stuff and pounding on the door only caused them to yell at me."

Yinsen's eyes grew big at his words. "Are you insane, Stark?! Never do that again or trust me, they won't stop at just yelling. Now-" He stretched himself, his back cracking audibly. "what do you need?"

"This." He handed him the list he had spent the last night making. "I know it's a lot but if they managed to get there hands on the weapons I saw yesterday it shouldn't be a problem."

Tony watched as he scanned the list, a question clearly forming in his mind. After a moment he looked up again. "This is what you need to build the Jericho?"

He smirked at him. "I didn't say that."

"Ah, I see. Well, they should show up soon, expecting your answer."

"Good, we have no time to lose." Tony turned around, leaving him to get dressed and ready. A busy day was lying ahead of them and at the end of it, hopefully, there would be some good results.

Walking back to his working place, battery casually swinging in his hand almost like it was a normal part of him now, he wasted no time. Some parts could already be prepared with the stuff he had here.

"If I might ask, Stark? What brought this drastic change upon you? Yesterday you looked ready to give up." A low chuckle could be heard behind him. "Don't tell me that it was me talking some sense into you."

"Yes and no.", he replied without turning around, already concentrating on getting the metal ball in front of him into a good, thin circle. "You just reminded me of the reason I can't just give up for which-" He stopped and took a deep breath.

"For which I am very grateful to you.", he murmured, not even sure if he could be heard.

"You are welcome, Stark."

So, he had been heard. Relief washed over him at Yinsen's words. It had been important that he knew how thankful Tony was for his support even though he often didn't manage to show it.

"I am still curious though. What is the reason for this new ideology of yours?"

His reply was short and soft. "Not what, who."

"I see."

"I don't even have to turn around to see you grinning. Stop it."

"Oh, I don't think so, Stark." He imagined the smirk growing even bigger. "A person, huh? Who might it be?"

For a second Tony's fingers stilled, lingering a moment in mid-air before resuming their work.

He took a deep breath, finally allowing himself to utter the name that had been haunting him since the beginning of this mess. The name he had been about to dial on his phone before the bomb blew up in his face. The name that had kept him going through the last 10 hours of work and preparation.

The reason he gave this final quest all he had.

"Stephen Strange."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this was quite a lot to set up but we are finally ready to get this story started. 
> 
> Just a heads up, the next part will be a Stephen chapter so yes, I'll be switching between POVs what is going to be quite challenging but needed for this story.
> 
> Also, I will be characterizing Pepper a bit differently, making her more supportive and observing in terms of Tony. Hope you are all okay with that, I know that there a lot of people who don't like her. 
> 
> Well, this is it for now. Long weekend ahead for me so I expect a quick update. 
> 
> Constructive criticism and feedback are really welcomed.


	3. Shock

This had to be the worst day in Stephen Strange's entire life.

Truth be told, it actually started promisingly.

His first class was not sooner than 10 a.m and that meant he could lie in for once.

It turned out to be a nice afternoon after that. Christine and he were studying in the school library together with Pepper. The latter looked pretty on edge.

After being done with staring at a paper full of equations, the exam would be no challenge to him anyway, he picked up a book instead.

10 minutes into reading "Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science by Atul Gawande", a birthday gift he was enjoying greatly, his eyes darted from the page to the girl opposite of him.

"Seriously, Potts, what is the matter with you? You have checked your phone like 30 times in the last 5 minutes."

She let out an irritated huff and slammed it on the table. "It's Tony."

He narrowed his eyes, catching the question before it could leave his mouth. Who cared what Anthony was up to? He knew that it was some kind of trip with his dad about the company. Some kind of weapons presentation?

 _Ah, who cares._ He certainly didn't, oh no.

Christine, who was sitting beside him apparently sensed his discomfort with the upbrought subject and decided to intervene.

"I thought he was in Afghanistan showing off his dads newest weapon?"

Pepper nodded. "He is. Told me that this might be the biggest deal in his father's career."

Tilting her head, Christine asked:

"Are you scared that it didn't go well?"

Stephen couldn't suppress the loud snort leaving his mouth which earned him a look from both girls. He just shrugged in return.

_As if Anthony had any problem wrapping people around his finger._

Given time, he could charm the pants off anyone. He had no doubt that he would lead Stark Industries into its golden age.

"Thanks for your input, Mister Arrogant.", Pepper said, smiling at him for a moment before the frown returned to her face. "It's not about the deal. It's the fact that he hasn't answered me so far.

The other girl stared at her in disbelief. "You are worried because Tony doesn't answer you?" She shook her head and laughed already concentrating on her papers again but Pepper wasn't finished.

"I know, I know but he promised! By now, the meeting should be over and he was going to write me immediately after." She turned to Stephen. "Has he called you?"

"And why should he do that?", he asked, raising an eyebrow in question. "He promised you, not me and honestly, you should be smart enough to not rely on him on that subject."

An annoyed groan could be heard beside him. He looked at Christine who was pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Don't tell me you two had a fight again?"

He opened his mouth, ready to give a snarky reply but she was just getting started.

"What is wrong with the two of you lately? All you do is fight and argue."

Pepper nodded and picked up her phone just to immediately put it down again. "Christine's right. Is something the matter?"

_Well, there goes my chance to read._

Sighing loudly, Stephen put his book down and crossed his arms defensively. "You don't have to ask me that. Anthony is the one getting his knickers in a twist every time we hang out."

He felt himself grow angry even while talking about it. His behaviour in the last month had been intolerable.

"What do you mean? He seems fine whenever I'm with him.", Pepper replied with furrowed brows.

She appeared to be in deep thought and Stephen was about to ask her if she was alright when Christine nudged him lightly in the ribs.

"Same here. You sure that you have nothing to do with it?"

He snarled at her. "And what, pray tell, does that mean?"

"Oh, really now, Stephen?", she answered with a slight chuckle. "I only want to say that Tony isn't the only problematic person around."

"Don't you think it's a bit rude to talk about Potts like that?"

"Hey!" Pepper practically leapt across the little table and he leaned back quickly, knowing that she would aim for his chest. The finger which was supposed to stab him scoldingly missed its mark and she huffed at him angrily.

"You need to figure out some new attacks.", he chided with a smirk. "I don't want to say that I am an easy person but let me ask you something. On Monday all I did was pass by Anthony and my arm accidentally brushed him."

He softly bumped his elbow against Christine to demonstrate. "Just like that."

She looked at him in confusion. "Yeah, and?"

"AND he threw a complete fit. Told me, and I quote, 'to watch where the fuck I was going' and if I was too stupid to even walk properly. So, who was behaving like a little child?"

That had been the last straw. For the past weeks, there had been many situations like that and he had no idea why. Of course, Anthony and he would argue occasionally as all friends do but the situation right now wasn't normal.

There was a difference between their light banter and these hurtful fights. While he didn't mind the first one, au contraire, he really enjoyed their little teasings, he couldn't stand someone having a go at him. Even if it was Anthony. Especially if it was Anthony.

And not when he was insulting his intelligence.

Christine let out a disbelieving laugh at his explanation. "Are you serious?"

He nodded and she rolled her eyes, her mouth set into a straight line. Pepper still looked absent, her eyes focused on something in the far distant.

"Are you alright, Potts?" Stephen snapped his fingers in front of her face and she flinched, blinking slowly.

"What? Oh yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking since-" She stopped abruptly and narrowed her eyes. "When does he act like that?"

It was Stephens turn to look lost. "What?"  _The hell is she on about?_

"Tony. When does he act like that? Really ALL the time or just at certain times? Like, let's say if you touch him?"

His mouth opened in confusion and probably made him look like a fish. What was she implying?

_Does she want to tell me that he is disgusted by me?_

He was pissed and ready to throw a complete fit. Then, he stopped and actually thought about the question.

_Damn, Potts is right._

Every time Anthony started to lose his cool it had been after some sort of contact. Whether it was a hand on his shoulder or even a brush of legs, he always ended up throwing a fit because of it.

"You are right. Yes, he only goes off like that after - I can't believe it!" He abandoned his analysation of the situation halfway through to shout out his anger. Realising that they still were in a library he reluctantly lowered his voice again.

"Now, Stephen, I don't think that's the reason.", Christine interjected quietly and turned her head to Pepper, obviously looking for help but she had gone back to ignoring them.

"More than 10 years of friendship and he gets disgusted by me touching him?!", he hissed, not directing his complaints at anyone in particular. "Well, he better has an explanation for his demeanour or a really good apology because otherwise, he can go-"

"Stephen!" Christine stopped his outburst with a shocked cry. "That is your best friend you're talking about!"

He stared at her in disbelief. "I'm sorry but he is apparently the one repelled by me?! Why are you defending-"

"Oh my god, of course!"

The arguing pair of friends whipped their heads around to be met with the sight of Pepper Potts facepalming. Stephen hated using that obscure word but in this case, nothing else would come close to describe it.

"Of course... what?", he asked her but his answer was ignored entirely.

"Oh, Tony, you absolute idiot!"

He rolled his eyes. She didn't have to state the obvious. "Potts, stop talking nonsense and start explaining."

_What is wrong with everyone around me lately?_

"Don't you understand?! Tony is-" She came to an abrupt stop, her hands clamping over her mouth. "Uhm, I..." She scratched her head, appearing lost.

By this point, they had raised their voices so many times that people started turning towards them. One girl gave them a specially nasty look which caused him to raise his hand up in apology.

It didn't help that the library was pretty small compared to the size of the school and their voices echoed loudly through the two rooms.

_At least it's cosy._

"Potts?", he asked again. "What is it that we don't understand?"

She bit her lip, her cheeks starting to colour. "I just wanted to imply that- you know, Tony's been under a lot of pressure the last months' thanks to his father. Maybe he just snapped at you because he is jealous of your good relationship with your parents?"

She sounded unsure, not at all like moments before but he figured that it was of no use to keep on pressing the matter. Hell would break loose before that woman said or did something against her will.

He gave her a disbelieving look, showing that he didn't fall for her poor excuse. "If you say so. Doesn't change the fact that I am still mad at him."

Christine gave him a smile and rubbed his arm. "I think you should just let Tony explain himself when he's back."

"If he gets back." Stephen winked at Pepper. "Maybe he got abducted!" The redhead found this everything but amusing.

"That's it, I'm gonna call him." She was already searching through her contact when he snatched the phone from her hand. Before she could open her mouth to protest he explained:

"Phone calls aren't allowed in the library." He was pretty sure that no teacher was nearby, otherwise, they'd already been thrown out for their distracting conversation but he wasn't going to risk it. If Pepper lost her phone to this he'd have to listen to her whining for the next 24 hours.

"Not to mention that this idea is total rubbish. Imagine Anthony in a serious conversation with a potential buyer and he gets interrupted by you calling him."

He put her phone up to his ear.

"Oh sorry, I have to take this. It's my crazy ex throwing one of her fits. Hang on a minute.. or rather 30." Christine tried her best to keep her laughter as quiet as possible while the other girl gave him look that would even make the devil freeze in fear.

Thank god he knew that she wasn't serious or at least not too serious.

"You are such a git, Stephen Strange!", she hissed through gritted teeth. "Now give me back my phone or you will regret it."

He knew better than to push his luck and handed it back to her but not without giving her a big smirk beforehand. "You are so controlling, Potts. I'm amazed that you allowed Anthony to break up with you."

He regretted that remark immediately. Her eyes lost every bit of playfulness they held within them. "You have no idea what caused our relationship to end so you better shut it, Strange."

With that, she stood up. "I'm going to wait outside."

She gathered her things and stormed out, almost knocking some bloke over who was walking towards her, nose buried in a book. He stumbled back into one of the many tables, just barely managing to catch himself and letting go of the book as he did.

He threw an angry "Oi!" at her but Pepper was already out of the door, no doubt calling Anthony.

"You really shouldn't have said that, Stephen.", Christine murmured beside him, also having started to pack her things but at a much slower pace. "You know that the topic is a sore point."

Stephen sighed. Yes, he did know that but sometimes he just couldn't stop himself. He was, after all, an asshole. His friends seemed to forget that from time to time. Not to mention the fact that their conversation about Anthony had really gotten his blood boiling.

"Maybe but you know that I am right. She isn't his mother." He grabbed his book and shoved it into his backpack, angry that he didn't get to read much of it.

"No, but she is his friend and she has a right to be concerned about him." She threw her bag over her shoulder. "And just because something is true doesn't mean that you have the right to scream it out loud or do you want us to talk about the hundreds of relationships you are having?"

Stephen tensed slightly. This wasn't something he wanted to discuss. "Alright, point made. I will apologize." He started walking towards the exit, Christine following close behind. "And just that you know, it's always them coming to me and I haven't pursued any of them in a relationship so far."

He heard an exaggerating groan behind him. "Oh yes, forgive me for presuming something. I'm sure you are waiting for the right girl to lose your heart to."

He cringed. They got out of the library with Pepper nowhere in sight. Shrugging to himself, he started to navigate through the corridors on his way to the campus. Christine was now walking beside him and by the looks of it expecting some kind of answer.

He was desperate to get the focus away from him. "What's with the sudden interest in my romantic life? Got nothing interesting going on in yours?" She snorted loudly at him as they got out of the building.

"Don't think that I can't see right through your weak attempt, Stephen. But if you want to know so desperately: I have someone."

He stopped and stared at her. "Who?"

"Excuse me?", she replied, her eyes growing wide.

"I asked who it was." She attempted to keep on walking but he lightly grasped her arm. "Christine."

He was surprised when she actually stopped and turned towards him. "You didn't ask, Stephen. You demanded it."

"I'm worried." He really was. Ever since he had moved from Nebraska to Malibu, she had grown on him and he considered her part of the family. She felt just like one of his two sisters back home, annoying but lovable nonetheless.

She didn't look like she believed him, raising one brow in question. "You sure you aren't just jealous?"

He looked down and shook his head.  _If you only knew._ "Please?"

A loud sigh could be heard. "Fine but let's walk to your car. I'm sure Pepper is waiting there." He nodded and let go of her. They started to make their way to the parking lot, passing a few other students, including that idiot Nicodemus West.

He was an arrogant brat but unlike Stephen, it wasn't justified. He was ready to give him an "accidental' shove but Nick stopped just as they were about to pass him.

"Hey, Christine! I just wanted to check if tomorrow still stands." He gave her a bright smile, completely ignoring the gobsmacked Stephen beside her.

The girl turned bright pink and returned his smile with a nervous laugh. "Of course, Nick. 3 p.m, right?"

"Perfect." His expression turned smug and he leaned down, kissing her cheek and almost making Stephen smack him across his face. As if he read his thoughts, he turned towards her friend and gave him a wink.

_Don't start a fight._

He closed his eyes and decided that they'd stay closed until he had disappeared.

"He's gone.", came the quiet whisper after a few seconds. His eyes flew open and he marched the rest of the way at a speed that gave Christine trouble keeping up.

"Stephen, wait. Please, for one second."

 _No chance._ By this point, he could already see his car and, what a surprise, an annoyed Pepper who was leaning against it.

It was an old, wretched Volkswagen who looked like it was going to give up any minute. The black paint was already peeling off on many spots, leaving it in an even worse state.

Still, Stephen had to smile every time he looked at it. His parents had surprised him with it on his 17th birthday. He hadn't expected it, knowing that their financial situation was anything but pretty but they had refused to listen to his complains about it being too much.

"You deserve it, sweetheart. We are just sorry that it couldn't be a new-" She hadn't been able to finish her sentence since he had pulled her into a long and sincere hug, something he rarely did.

He reached into his pocket in search of his car key when his hand got grabbed.

"Come on!" Christine wasn't going to give up then.

He gave her a displeased look and murmured:

"Are you just trying to have a go at me?" Of all the people, it had to be that blabbering moron. He just couldn't believe that she was settling for someone so much beneath her.

She took a deep breath, clearly fighting the urge to snap at him for that comment. "You are giving him a bad rap."

He grunted in disagreement. "I don't think so. Really, Christine? Out of all the people here on this school you had to go with him?" Shaking his head, he continued fumbling for the keys, finally finding them.

He whistled loudly which caused Pepper to snap her head up, just in time to notice and catch the key ring flying towards her. She gave him a confused look.

"Get in. We need another moment.", he explained, voice tense.

She hesitated a moment, contemplating whether to question it further but settled with a quick nod and opened the car.

"He's completely incompetent.", he finished then and waited for a reply.

"Oh, please. You're just jealous that he also wants to become a surgeon."

His mouth fell open.  _How dare she?_

"And why should that make me jealous?" It took all his calmness to keep the venom out of his voice.

"I'm not even going to bother answering that. Are we finished now? Pepper is waiting." She pointed to the girl in the front seat, anxiously staring at her phone.

 _So no luck with Anthony then._ Not that he cared.

"Fine." He opened the trunk and threw his backpack in, waiting for Christine to do the same. "Besides, the point was totally irrelevant. That guy has as much chance of becoming a good doctor as I have of not becoming one."

Her face scrunched up and she stared at him blankly for second before shaking her head in defeat. "You are unbelievable. Listen, can we talk about this some other time? I was really looking forward to this evening at yours."

He pouted but finally agreed. "Alright but don't think that I'll let that go so easily."

She smiled in relief. "I don't expect you will. Come on now before Pepper gets restless."

_As if she didn't already._

The ride to his apartment was filled with the girls' loud chatter about... something. Stephen really didn't care enough to listen, being sure that it would likely be about Anthony not answering the phone, and rather checked his own from time to time.

"You shouldn't do that, Stephen. One day this won't end well for you." Pepper warned him at one point, seeming to have forgiven him for his rude comment earlier.

"Please. By now you should know that I am an impeccable driver.", he had retorted with a smirk.

There was a short pause, followed by a quiet "Forgive me, your highness, for doubting you."

20 minutes later they were sitting on the couch in Stephens small hybrid of a kitchen and living room. His whole apartment was not much to look at, with only a tiny bath and bedroom left but he managed to finance it himself so he wouldn't continue living off his parents.

He didn't mind it at all though since he spent most of his time at Anthony's enormous mansion, sometimes not even returning home and rather sleeping in one of the guest rooms.

_Stop it. Don't think about him._

He would never admit it to himself, much less the girls talking about the girls talking beside him but he was starting to get a little worried too. Why didn't he have the time for one quick message?

 _That is so typical of him_. He wanted to grunt his displeasure out loud.

His phone buzzed in his pocket pulling him out of his thoughts and making him jump slightly. With a low grumble, he dragged it out and was met with the bright name of his mum on the screen.

"Excuse me, I have to take this.", he announced and gave the two girls a warning look to be quiet.

He accepted the call with a quick slide. "Hey, mother. Is every-" She interrupted him mid-sentence, her voice higher than usual and full of concern.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, darling! Your father and just saw it on the news! Are you alright? Do you know anything?" She was talking so quickly that Stephen had problems following her.

"Hold on! What are you talking about? What is on the news?"

He made eye-contact with Christine and she understood his request, quickly grabbing the remote control and turning on the TV.

There was a moment of silence on the other line before his mother spoke up again.

"Do you mean- you don't know already?", she asked in a whisper. It made his stomach clench. Beverly Strange wasn't someone to easily get flustered. Something must have happened, something bad.

He was about to ask her to explain but she cut him off again. "Oh god, Eugene, he doesn't know!" His father was saying something but Stephen couldn't make out a word. "Sweetheart, I don't know how to tell you but-"

The rest of her sentence transformed into a blur. Christine had been switching between channels so far and abruptly stopped at Fox News.

His breath caught.

A picture of Anthony and his father was shown, with a big headline scrolling above it.

**_Weapons engineer Howard Stark killed in Afghanistan during demonstration_.**

_Oh god._

The three sat and stared as the words continued to roll across the screen. He did not want to continue watching but he couldn't bring himself to look away.

_**His son Anthony Edward Stark, age 17, who had also been present at the demonstration has gone missing. There has been no indication of his current location so far.** _

_Oh god, no. Please, no._

_**The first official report from the military indicates that a terror organisation known as 'The 10 Rings' is behind the attack. Further statements haven't been given yet.** _

_No. Anthony._

He didn't know how long they all continued to stare at the TV even when the channel moved on to other news. His body was completely rigid.

_Tony._

He flinched as a scream echoed through his living room.

"Stephen?! Stephen, are you alright?! Please, talk to me, darling."

Slowly, he lifted the phone to his ear. "Sorry, mother I-" His voice cracked and he swallowed hard. "I have to go."

"Of course, darling. We are always there if you feel the need to talk. When you want we could come and visit. I'm sure your father and I could scrape together some money to-"

He ended the call before she finished. This couldn't be happening. This had to be a nightmare. Yes, a nightmare, that was it, surely.

_Please, let this be a nightmare._

As if trance, he turned his head. Christine was sitting beside him, hands clamped over her mouth and eyes wide in shock. He could see how heavily she was breathing.

Pepper on the other end of the couch jumped up as tears were forming in her eyes. "I knew it!", she cried. "I knew it! The moment he didn't answer I knew that something was wrong. Oh my god."

She broke down then, falling back onto the cushion, tears streaming down her face. "What have they done to him?" Her voice could barely be heard.

Then their head turned simultaneously towards him. He stared right back at them still refusing to accept what he just has read on the screen.

"Stephen.." Someone touched his shoulder. "Stephen, do you- do you need something?"

He looked at Christine who was barely keeping it all together. "Stephen, are you even breathing? Hey!" She slapped his cheek slightly which caused nothing but a faint sting.

He continued to stare through her, through Pepper. He continued staring into a void.

"Pepper, I think he is in shock. Hello, Stephen, can you hear me?" The redhead had apparently focused herself and was standing right behind her.

"Of course he is in shock. His best friend is probably... Tony is probably-"

_Fuck, no._

"Shut up!", he yelled suddenly as reality came crashing in. Both girls froze in shock at his raised voice.

"Don'T, DON'T you dare to even suggest that! Anthony is fine, Tony is fine! You just saw it, he hasn't been confirmed- They'd... they'd know if he was-"

He buried his head in his hands. He had to get out of here. The walls were crushing him, the air was too thin.

"I have to go.", he declared and stood up. Too bad his legs hadn't been brought in on the plan for they promptly gave out under him, leaving his whole weight to be caught by a concerned Christine.

"What are you talking about? You need to lie down. Stephen, you are in no state to drive!" She started to walk him towards his bedroom door but he shook his head. She didn't understand.

"I can't- I have to..." He pulled himself out of her grip and stumbled across the room desperate to just leave. "Maria. I have to talk to Maria." God, what did she have to go through right now?

Sensing that it was pointless to argue with him Christine simply nodded in defeat.

"Alright but you have to take a bus or call a cab. Please, you'll just cause an accident if you step into a car right now.", she pleaded and walked over to pull him into a tight hug.

"Do you need me to go with you?"

He softly shook his head, still awkwardly crushed between her arms. He wasn't a fond of hugs, at least not right now, not when he had something to do.

Christine noticed his discomfort and let go of him, the smallest smile spreading out on her face. It was false.

"I think I'll get Pepper home." She turned around to the girl who had transformed into a statue on his couch.

If he wasn't on the edge of dying he would ask her something along the lines like  _Who is the one in shock now, Potts?_

"She will need someone to help her." With that, the brunette walked over to her, leaving Stephen at the door to his apartment.

He turned around and reached for the doorknob. The door was already wide opened when he stopped. "Thank you, Christine. You know I appreciate it.

"Of course I do.", came a soft reply. "And Stephen... I am so sorry."

Without turning around he left, pulling out his phone with shaking fingers to hire a cab.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I will dig deeper into Stephen's thoughts about this in the next chapter.  
> I just feel like he needs a moment to really understand the situation.


	4. Sorrow

"What do you mean I can't see her?!"

Stephen closed his eyes, furious and one breath away from punching the police officer in front of him in his righteous face.

_Who does he think he is?_

He was standing in front of the Stark Mansion, desperate to get in there and see how Maria was doing.

"I'm Stephen Strange, best friend of Tony Stark and if I want to see Maria Stark it is in my right to do so. Now let me in!", he hissed and made another attempt to move past the policeman still blocking the entrance but the man wouldn't move.

"I'm sorry, Mister Strange but I have the order to not let anyone in, no matter who they claim to be. I'm really sorry."

Stephen wanted to slap him but truth be told, he really did look sorry and was obviously not the person in charge. Still, with no one else near to lash out on, he'd have to take it.

"What are all those people doing in there then?" He all but yelled the question and pointed at the nearest window where numerous man could be seen walking around the living room.

It had always been a mystery to him why one of the most intelligent men in the world, working on dangerous and super secret weapons for the military had a house which was made for the most part out of glass windows.

_Awful architecture._

The cop made a face and scratched his head. "Yeah... but they are authorized to be in there."

Stephen's mouth twitched and he quickly balled his hand into a fist to keep his cool. Taking a deep breath, he asked: "Authorized by who?"

The man in front of him opened his mouth but got interrupted by a voice behind him.

"What's going on here?"

The policeman jumped to the side, giving view to the towering figure behind him standing in the doorframe.   
  
Stephen's eyes grew wide when he recognized him: Obadiah Stane, Howard Starks business partner.

"Hello, Sir. My name Stephen Strange and I-"

"Of course!" The tall man gave him a radiant smile, completely unfit for the current situation. "You must be Tony's friend! He is talking about you all the time."

Stephen hat to bite the inside of his cheek at those words, trying to suppress the uprising guilt inside of him.

"I'm here to see Maria. I just saw it on the news, you know, about.." His voice died, unable to end the sentence. "I just want to make sure that she is alright."

"I see." Mr Stane rubbed his chin and sighed. "Tragic what happened over there. You must be struggling quite a lot."

He took a step forward and put his big arm over Stephen's shoulders, turning and pulling him away from the entrance.

"Tell me, boy, how are you feeling? I think it's important to focus on oneself first."

Honestly, he felt like shit. The whole ride to the car his thoughts had been the fuel of nightmares, ranging from various scenarios of Anthony in captivity and under torture to a limp body, lying under a blanket of sand and dirt.

No matter what, they all had managed to make him want to throw up and bring him to the edge of breaking down.

But that wasn't something he ever wanted to share with anybody, let alone the man beside him who was doing more than just creeping him out. 

"I'm fine.", he lied and gave him a fake smile. "But I am really concerned about Maria so if I could-"

Stane shook his head and pulled him closer, not noticing how Stephen tensed up at that. Well, not noticing or simply ignoring it. 

"I'm sorry, boy, but I can't let anyone inside. That would be a high-security risk and I'm sure you don't want that."

"But all those people..", he began to protest but with little effect since he got interrupted almost immediately.

"Are my and Howard's security workers. They are here to investigate the situation." He patted Stephen's shoulder and gave him another bright smile, which made his brows furrow.

"And about Maria? Can't I see her?" He was steadily dragged away from the house and towards the long street that lead up to the mansion where the cab was still waiting.

"I'm afraid you can't, son. I'm really sorry." It certainly didn't look like he was sorry but Stephen decided to not comment on it. Instead, he nodded softly and sighed.

"When can I talk to her then?", he asked quietly while letting himself get pulled along. Stane's mouth set into a straight line for a heartbeat before his face relaxed again.

_He is getting mad._

"Listen, I'll see what I can do but don't get your hopes up too high. This whole situation is a mess right now. Not to mention that I have to run that wretched company all alone for the moment."

They had reached the taxi and the man let go of Stephen but not before giving him a way too strong pat on the shoulder that forced him to bow down a bit.

"You should go home and rest. I'm sure Tony wouldn't want you wasting away with fear because of him."

With that, he turned around and retreated to the gigantic house in the background, leaving Stephen with a weird feeling.

_Something is wrong with that guy..._

Even though Anthony was often talking about him, he had never met Howard Stark's business partner before. Stane seemed to never come to the mansion or at least never when Stephen was there (which was quite often).

Now, he was grateful that he had managed to avoid him so far. That man sent shivers down his spine.

He got into the backseat of the cab and told the driver to take him back to his apartment.

"As quickly as possible, please.", he added after a moment. Being alone with his thought for too long wasn't a good thing at the moment.

The ride to the mansion had been atrocious, especially the moment where Stephen realised that all this wasn't just a big prank Anthony was pulling on him. This was real.

He felt horrible, really horrible. And he was scared. Anthony could be god knows where all alone and injured. Although the whole military was probably searching for him, he doubted that they would be successful.

But most of all he was ashamed of himself. Pepper had sensed that something was wrong, had been worried for Anthony.

_And what did I do?_

He hadn't cared, had even joked about it. He had been an awful friend, an awful best friend. God, he was a horrible person. No matter how stupid Anthony had acted in the last weeks, Stephen should have cared more about him and his well being.

Now he might never get the chance to make it up to him.

Now he might never get the chance to tell Anthony...

He shook his head as if that would make his guilty thought disappear. It was of no use. He was still in the back of a cab feeling like absolute shit. And Anthony was still missing. His head dropped into his hands.

He wouldn't break down, not here at least, not in front of anyone.

"Had a rough day, did ya?", the driver asked while turning around a corner. "Since we just were at the Stark Mansion I guess it has something to do with that attack in Afghanistan."

He ran his hand through his hair in distress before mumbling his answer. "Yeah, I guess you could say so."

"Ah, must be awful to not know what is going on with one's friend.", he exclaimed while increasing the speed of the car.

"Mhm." Stephen knew that he meant well but he was in no mood to talk about it. Hell, he wasn't ready to really think about it like he had just proven to himself.

Luckily, the man seemed to understand. "Sorry, mate. Didn't wanna make you uncomfortable. Sometimes it's good to talk about it though."

_I'm not so sure about that._

He nodded but didn't bother to verbalize his answer. The rest of the car ride, which thankfully wasn't a long one, passed in silence. 

He usually was thankful for not having to listen to other people's nonsense but right now it was awfully maddening.

It left him alone again with his thoughts about Anthony.

Once they were back at his apartment he immediately jumped out of the car, pausing briefly to pay the driver and giving him a short nod. 

He turned around, ready to lock himself up in his home and waste away when he spotted someone familiar in front of the apartment building.

"James?"

Rhodey who was staring at his phone lifted his head.

"Stephen, thank god!", he almost screamed before rushing towards him and enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug.

_What is with all this damn physical contact today?_

The only person he could bear hugging at the moment would be Anthony before he would start screaming and cursing at him for scaring the life out of him.

"What are you doing here?", he managed to squeeze out while his lungs were being crushed by the older man.

"I was looking for you. You gave me quite a fright." He let go of him and his face turned serious. "I guess you already-"

"Yes, and I would appreciate it if we didn't talk about it.", Stephen quickly interrupted and started searching for the apartment key in his pocket.   
  
Rhodey sighed heavily. "Christ. Stephen, I am so sorry but I have to ask you a few questions. Maybe we should continue this conversation in your flat though."

Stephen regarded him for a moment, debating whether he should refuse to keep talking to him or simply give in.   
  
"You won't let me say no, will you?"

Rhodey gave him a sad smile. "What do you expect?" He was clad in a military uniform, nothing special since he had been there for the past 2 years now.

Stephen dropped his head in defeat. Well, he hadn't put up a real fight in the first place. "Fine." Like a beaten stray dog, he made his way to the door and up the stairs to his home with Rhodey following him.

He slouched down on his couch as soon as they were inside. "Alright, what do you want to know?", he asked, only now starting to feel how tired he actually was. He needed some sleep.

"Right." Rhodey clasped his hands together and took a chair opposite of him. "How far are you caught up with the events?"

Stephen looked down, not wanting to answer. He didn't want to repeat what they already knew. It would only make it all more real.

The silence was deafening until Rhodey cleared his throat. "Alright, I guess you don't want to talk about it. I'll just tell you everything I am allowed to."

His interest sparked at his statement but he kept quiet, eyes averted.

"About 5 hours ago, Howard Stark was killed."

Stephens eyes closed.

_Here it comes._

"and Tony Stark was kidnapped."

_Yep, still hits me like the first time._

Even though he didn't approve of Anthony's unhealthy alcohol consume he had to admit that something to numb his senses would be quite welcome now.

"It appears that Tony wasn't actually present at the place of the weapon demonstration anymore but on his way back to the hotel."

_What?_

"Why?", he asked in confusion. Why would Anthony just leave?

"I don't know but I want to find out. See, I have been charged with an unofficial investigation regarding this attack. So I'd appreciate your discretion in this."

"An unofficial investigation?" Now he was completely lost. "Isn't it quite obvious who was behind the attack?"

Rhodey rubbed his chin, his eyes piercing him. Finally, he took a deep breath.

"Okay, what I tell you now can never leave this apartment and I only do so because I know how much you mean to Tony and how much he means to you. Understand?"

Stephen could do nothing but nod.

"If anyone finds out I'll so lose my job.", he whispered to himself. "We have the suspicion that the 10 Rings might have been hired by someone. Someone who wanted to get rid of the Stark family."

His breath stopped. Someone had ordered the attack on Anthony and his father? Perhaps even someone close to them?

_What the fuck is happening?_

"Someone? Who?", he croaked, at last, full of anger. Who had fucking dared to do that?

Rhodey shook his head. "I don't know. I'm not even sure if that was really the case but they had a perfect idea of how it would all go..."

He went quiet, eyes focused on something in the distant. "They must have had some information which should have been unavailable to them."

Stephen had to let that sink in. It was hard to believe but Rhodey always had a good intuition.

But then another thought crossed his mind. Why, out of all people, was he here, talking to him? Did he think that he had some secret information or more importantly, did he think-

"DO YOU THINK THAT I BETRAYED ANTHONY AND HIS FATHER?!", he roared loudly, jumping up from the couch and almost knocking over the small glass table in front of him.

To his credit, the other man barely flinched at his outburst. "Stephen, please. You need to calm down. I would never dare to accuse you of something severe like that. I am only here to ask questions."

He remained seated and crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. "You are Tony's best friend after all, aren't you?"

_Am I?_

Reluctantly, he calmed down again, realising that it was pointless to stay mad. He felt like an idiot. "I guess so."

"You guess so?", Rhodey emphasized with a hand gesture. Of course, he couldn't just let it go. Would no one give him a pass for anything today? When he gave no further answers besides sitting back down, the other man decided to drop the subject.

"Anyway, did you notice something strange in the last weeks?"

"Strange?", Stephen asked. "Define Strange." The potential joke didn't get lost on him but he was in no mood for laughing. He just wanted Anthony back.

"Well, you are with him almost every minute of your life. Did you notice someone watching you? Did he mention something to you that could have been an indicator for this?"

Stephen wrung his hands together nervously. "I would like to be of help in this matter. Really. The thing is.." He sighed. This guilt was going to eat him up. "we kind of haven't... you know, really talked in the last month or so."

"Come again?" Rhodey had a look of utter disbelief written on his face. "You two haven't really talked in- oh for god's sake." He leaned back in his chair, hands flying up to cover his face. "No wonder Tony has been so grumpy lately. What happened?"

Stephen was just as lost as he was, shrugging in wonder. "I don't know. I'm sorry, James. I wish I could do more."

He waved his apology off. "Don't. It's okay. I just want to do everything in my power to help Tony." He pulled his phone out to look at it. "I have to go, Stephen."

He stood up and made his way towards the door. Stephen was a breath away from letting him leave when he thought about something. 

"Wait!", he hauled and jumped up, being careful to leave enough space between him and the table this time.

"Yes?", Rhodey asked, turning back to him.

_This could really backfire._

"What about Obadiah Stane?" He tried to sound neutral but some of the venom still slipped out. He really couldn't stand that man.

Rhodeys' brows furrowed. "The co-partner from Tony's dad? What about him?"

"Have you talked to him? He acted pretty weirdly earlier."

"Earlier? When did you meet him?", the soldier asked, putting his hands on his hips. "Where you at the Stark Mansion?"

"Yes, that's where I just came from. He closed off the entire house and didn't allow me to visit Maria." Stephen's eyes grew big. "How is she doing?"

Rhodey's mouth opened but no word came out. He closed it just as quickly. "I..." His voice died and he rubbed his forehead. "Shit." Walking over to the small kitchen counter and leaning on it, he let his head drop. "Stephen, I.. I have to tell you something."

The sadness in his voice scared Stephen and he braced himself.

_After all that happened today, how much worse could it get?_

God, was he wrong.

 

* * *

 

The following 4 months passed in a blur, feeling like an eternity for Stephen. He refused to stay at home, there was nothing to distract him there. Instead, he focused on school, practically throwing himself into an endless loop of studying and homework.

Anything, just to distract his mind for a few blissful moments.

The news about Anthony and his father was an ongoing topic everywhere but he tried to not pay too much attention to it. That, of course, failed miserably.

At night, he was drooling over his phone, refreshing the newsfeed every minute or so in hope for the relief of reading that Anthony was found and on his way back home to him.

With no sleep at night and way too much work in the day, it didn't take long for him to become an utter and total mess. He knew that he was a sight to look at. Normally, he was heavily involved with keeping up a good appearance.

Right now, he looked like a homeless person. He barely showered anymore, the shower would give him too much time to freely think. He couldn't bring himself to shave, too unconcentrated to hold the razor steady.

The people at the school didn't bother him about it though. One look and they realised that they should better stay away from him. Only Christine and Pepper were occasionally trying to engage him in conversation, with little success.

Rhodey had been called away soon after their talk, with the mission to actively search for Anthony in Afghanistan. He had stopped by Stephen's apartment to say goodbye but he had been to busy staring at a black TV screen.

The only other person who had bothered talking to him had been the quiet Banner boy, which Stephen didn't even know the first name of. He had walked up to him, patted his shoulders and told him "to hang in there. It will get better."

Stephen didn't believe him for a second.

His parents tried to call from time to time but he never found the strength to pick up his phone. After a while, they seemed to catch on.

It was the 23rd of February, exactly 131 days had passed since he had watched the first report on TV when his phone rang. He didn't have any intention of picking up, too engrossed in his homework but it kept on ringing for around 20 minutes, again and again.

At last, he had enough of it and answered the call, ready to scream at the person on the other line but Christine beat him to it.

"TURN ON THE NEWS, YOU FUCKING MORON!"

He had to point his phone away from his ear in order to not lose his ability to hear. "Christine, I told you-"

"DO IT NOW!"

He angrily picked up the remote control and turned his TV on. What use would it be? He had checked the news not even an hour ago and still, nothing and he was just so tired of-

_**BREAKING NEWS:** _

_**After 4 months of captivity, Anthony Edward Stark has been found in the desert of Afghanistan, alive but heavily injured.** _

_**He is being escorted back to America at the current time. There hasn't been a statement given so far about his escape but he is expected to give one soon.** _

_**The military has announced that together with Stark's help they had been able to track down a weaponized camp of the terror organization known as the 10 Rings and managed to shut it down.** _

_**Further information hasn't been given so far.** _

He looked at the TV. He couldn't believe it. The months of living in fear were over?

Yes, they were. The agony was over. It was all over.

His eyes were starting to fill with tears, even though he would never admit that to himself later.

They had found Anthony. They were bringing him back home. They were bringing him back home to Stephen, back where he really belonged.

At last, he was feeling something besides sorrow. He would have him back soon and that moment couldn't come soon enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter!  
> I am so sorry for the long wait. I am really sick at the moment but it is finally done. I hope you like it.  
> The next chapter will finally be their reunion!


	5. Arrival

Tony had to shut his eyes just as the first rays of sunshine hit his face. He was still very sensitive to light despite having wandered around the desert of Afghanistan for almost 2 days.

God, the past week had, without a doubt, been the worst one in his life. After cigarette mouth, who was actually called Raza but that name didn't fit him at all, had given them a time limit he had been working non-stop together with Yinsen.

It had been 5 maddening days of hammering and fusing and still, almost been too late. The only reason he was able to lift himself out of the wheelchair and use his own two feet to leave the plane right now was Yinsen and his damn heroism.

Tony shuddered.  _No. Don't you fucking think about that now._ This was supposed to be a happy moment. He was finally back home. It was time to celebrate. Why then did he feel worse than ever before?

He knew damn well why but really didn't want to think too closely about it.

So, instead, he just held tighter onto Rhodey, who was escorting him out of this monstrosity and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, which was harder than one might expect. He had lost a lot of muscle mass during his forced vacation.

More than 4 months, Rhodey had told him. He had been gone for more than 4 months. In that cave, time hadn't mattered to him. Well, after he had managed to get rid of the car battery and his slowly approaching death, of course.

Now that he was back in the daylight, back in America, all things seemed to come crashing down onto him.  _What made you think that it would get any easier now? Idiot._ There had been a moment, a fleeting moment where he had thought that the terror was over.

He had been walking around in the desert, completely lost and dehydrated when a loud sound had echoed behind him. Once he had recognized the source of it his knees had given in, earning him a rather ungraceful landing in the burning hot sand.

But he hadn't cared. The 2 helicopters landing in front of him had given his spirits a giant raise and the moment Rhodey had jumped out of one of them he had felt like bursting into tears. Which he suppressed, naturally. 

"Had fun on your little vacation?", his friend had asked him and Tony had laughed so hard that the rest of the energy in his body had left him and had made him promptly collapse into his arms where darkness immediately had taken a hold of him.

He woke up to Rhodey softly shaking him. "Tony, we are there. You have to get up." And up he got, after several minutes of preparation where he found out that somehow his arm had ended up in a sling. Now, he was walking slowly but steadily out of the plane and back into his old life.

_Ha, good one. Steadily. Old life. Sure._

Nothing would ever be the same again but he was allowed to dream, even if it was for just a few seconds.

He expected no one to wait for him there, at this little landing area which wasn't even a real airport. After all, he already had Rhodes by his side. The bigger his surprise was when he didn't spot one but two people awaiting him.

Pepper, of course, she would be there. How could he have doubted it, and- His heart stopped, as did his feet which caused the man still escorting him to almost fall. "What is it?", he asked but Tony didn't hear him. He was entirely focused on the figure beside Pepper.

 _Stephen._ His Stephen. He was here, he had come to see him. He hadn't forgotten him. He still cared. Even after everything Tony had done, after everything he had said, Stephen still cared about him.

"Stephen.", he repeated, this time aloud, unintentionally.  _Damn._ Rhodey picked up on it immediately. "Hm, what? Stephen?", he questioned before picking up on his exclamation. "Oh, yes. I arranged for him and Pepper to be here and pick you up while you took that well-deserved nap."

His expression turned to one of worry. "I hope that's okay for you? I thought you'd like to have some familiar faces around you after such a horrible time." Tony only managed to nod but that was enough for Rhodes, who started chuckling.

"Besides, I doubt that anyone could have stopped Stephen from coming. Would have driven here himself if he had to; if you ask me.", he murmured quietly, giving Tony a bright smile. "Come now, before he and Pepper attack me for keeping you all to myself."

With that, they resumed their walk, by now Tony was only letting himself getting blindly pulled along. Rhodes words were still echoing in his head. 'I doubt that anyone could have stopped him from coming.' He wanted to see Tony. His heart skipped a beat, or more than one.

Still, he was anxious to actually talk to him. While a private conversation between the two of them would probably be for the best he was thankful that Pepper was also there. A subtle stopper of some sort. Or not.

_Subtle my ass._

The woman flung herself at Tony the moment he was within arms reach. Not that he didn't welcome her delight but she could have stopped to actually think about her action for a second. She would have broken his arm if it wasn't so already.

"Oh god, Tony! I missed you so much! How are you? Are you alright? God, of course, you are not alright! How did you manage to escape? What did they-"

"Pepper.", Tony mumbled, getting some of her hair caught inside his mouth while doing so. It was enough, however, to stop her rumbling and make her let go of him.

"Please, keep your questioning at bay. I'm just glad to be back and if that's possible don't want to talk too much about it." He hoped that it didn't sound too rude since that wasn't his intention but given the circumstances, he couldn't help it.

He was tired, his body not having considered the blackout as a real rest. Not to mention that Stephen was still staring at him and it was starting to make him uncomfortable, the man looked like he had turned into stone.

_Come on, break the ice._

"You alright there, Stevie?"

A second passed where neither of them moved before Stephen released a long breath and practically flew towards him, enveloping Tony in a giant hug. His eyes closed immediately. Even though his friend wouldn't be considered a bulky man his arms were quite muscular, perfect for bear hugs. 

Tony loved them. Especially now. It was the only thing that could really lift his mood.   
  
"You are an absolute idiot, Anthony. Do you know that?", Stephen murmured quietly before letting go of him. An action which Tony wasn't happy about. It was so much better to forget about the worries in his life with his arms around him.   
  
"Never do that again, Anthony. Do you hear me? Never.", he added after a second. Tony rolled with his eyes.

"I'm not sure, Stevie. I quite enjoyed the trip. Although the sightseeing was rather dull." He shrugged slightly and marvelled at the angry brow-furrow he received from his friend, not to mention Pepper's shocked "Tony!"   
  
Only then did he notice the change in his friend's appearance. "Did you- did you grow a beard, Stevie?!", he practically howled. No, that wasn't possible. Stephen and his fetish for a clean appearance would never allow that.   
  
"Who are you and what did you do to my friend?!" Tony had to admit though that it rather suited him. It wasn't a full beard, more something akin to a goatee. It did more than just suit him. It looked absolutely magnificent.

He sighed.  _Great, that isn't good._

Now, it was Stephens turn to roll his eyes. "Very funny, Anthony. I am glad that this incident didn't kill your sense of humour."  
  
_That's all I got left._

"Besides, I could ask you the same. What happened to you?", he asked with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk. Tony noticed immediately that the spark didn't reach his eyes.   
  
"Well, I was a bit busy. You know, trying not to die AND planning my escape. And I am not so petty about my appearance like you are."  
  
Stephen waved a dismissive hand and sighed. "Whatever. I think we have greater concerns than our facial hair right now." Pepper, who had been watching them closely, nodded.

"I agree. Tony, you really should go to the hospital. I mean you were held hostage for 4 months.", she tried to plead with him but Tony shook his head. 

"And since I survived those without any medical help-" It wasn't really true but he didn't feel comfortable enough to talk about it so far. "-I won't die if I don't go there straight away." He turned his head, in search of Rhodey and found him deep in conversation with another man.   
  
Neither of them looked happy.

"Not straight away?", Pepper inquired, her voice starting to take the tone he knew so well. The tone in which she loved scolding him. "What do you want to do then?"  
  
"3 things.", he murmured absent-mindedly now in search for someone to drive him away from this overfilled place. The burning sun on his skin was beginning to take him back to the desert.   
  
"How did you guys get here?" He tilted his head in question. Stephen was the one to answer.   
  
"Oh, Happy drove us. He is waiting somewhere back there." He pointed behind him without actually turning around. "Why? Where do you want to go?"

"Firstly, I want an American cheeseburger.", Tony started explaining while walking past his friends who followed him right away with audible groans. "Second.", he continued louder "I want Happy to call in a press conference."   
  
"What?" Pepper sounded not too fond over the idea but he could hear Stephens quiet "Sounds logical." which made him smile slightly. "And third-"

"Do we even want to know, Tony?"

He turned his head and gave her a quick wink before he continued his way to the now visible Happy. "No. I just want to see my mother. I am a bit confused why she isn't here to see me. I mean I guess I understand considering what happened to my father but still-"

He stopped and turned around. Pepper and Stephen had both frozen on the spot, expressions of sorrow and disbelief on their faces. Tony didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

"What is it?" He was actually scared of asking but the anticipation was killing him. Pepper looked at him for a  moment, eyes wide and filled with unshed tears before slowly raising her hand up, covering her mouth.

Her words were blurred from her hand and his ears but he still managed to get them. "They didn't tell you, Tony?" Stephen was standing beside her, hands balled into fists, fingernails digging into his skin, reddening it.   
  
Now they were really scaring him.   
  
"What is it, Pepper?" She didn't answer besides releasing a gurgle which could easily have been a suppressed sob. "Stephen?", he slowly whispered after a moment but his friend simply shook his head in defeat, his eyes dropping to Tonys' shoes.   
  
And at last, Tony understood why his mother, who had always been there for him when his father hadn't, wasn't here to welcome her son back.

When the question left his mouth it was dull, completely devoid of all emotion. "She's also dead, isn't she?" Only that it wasn't a question. He knew it to be true. His brain told him, his heart told him.   
  
He had lost them both.   
  
"Tony-", Pepper started to walk towards him but he quickly turned around and continued walking, only giving Hogan a brief nod of acknowledgement and quickly getting into the car. For a moment he wanted to leave his friends behind, simply ordering Happy to get inside and drive off a cliff.

Maybe the impact would be able to numb his pain but he disregarded the idea just as quickly. He couldn't leave. He had a mess to fix. He had to make people pay. So he waited until the other 3 joined him.

Stephen wordlessly slipped in the back seat behind him while Pepper joined Happy in the front. "Where should we go, boss?", his bodyguard asked hesitantly, obviously sensing the tense atmosphere.   
  
_Where to go indeed? I have nowhere._

Pepper felt the need to answer for him. "To the hospital, Happy."  
  
"No."

Stephen sighed beside him. "Anthony."

"No." He forced the word out with way too much force but it would be of no use to apologise. He wasn't the one in the wrong either. His friends had to see that. "I still want that press conference. Happy, can you arrange one?" He added a soft "Please." right away.   
  
"You got it, boss. I will take care of it." Happy never questioned his or his father's command. Something for which Tony was thankful. He didn't expect complete obedience from everyone around him but a little more trust and faith, was that really too much to ask for?

"Thank you and that cheeseburger is still priority number one."  _That is right. Play it off, you idiot. We can't let anyone know that you actually have feelings._  
  
The car ride to Burger King was unnerving, no one really wanting to speak up. Tony was alright with it though. He and Yinsen hadn't really talked the last few days in that cave. Looking back at it, he almost regretted it now.

_What happened, happened. No reason to cry about it._

Pepper hadn't made another attempt to talk him out of his idea. Instead, she was pouting in the front seat, clearly unhappy with his decision. Stephen beside him also hadn't said a word but a completely different energy radiated off him.

He was a lot calmer and from right beside him, Tony couldn't help but study his relaxed side profile. He remembered one of the first sentences he had ever uttered to Yinsen.

_"You don't know him but he is quite frankly the most beautiful person I have ever seen."_

Never had he said anything more true. The goatee only managed to frame his features even better. He didn't know that was actually possible. 

_His cheekbones could cut steel._

And had he gone completely mad or did his hair also grow longer? It was at the point of almost falling in his face. A few locks at least. The raven black was standing in such a big contrast to his white skin.   
  
_Beautiful._

An abrupt stop from the car had him thrown out of his dream and into his seatbelt. The slight choking feeling it created around his throat made him freeze.

_Oh god. No._

"Please...", he croaked out in panic, hands going to his throat and pulling on the strap in horror.   
  
"Anthony?", someone asked beside him and he felt the person reaching for his arm but slapped it away. There was no way in hell he would allow anyone to push him under water again. "Get away from me!"

"Happy, stop the car." His ears were buzzing, he didn't know where the voice came from. He only knew that he had to get out of this cage. He fumbled with his unharmed hand for the opener, his erratic movements making the task harder than it actually was.   
  
He couldn't let them get him. Not again. He couldn't.

"Anthony. Tony, please. You have to calm down." A warm hand gripped his. It wasn't rough, it wasn't aggressive. It didn't mean harm. It was warm and soft and-   
  
_Stephen._

His vision cleared. He wasn't in the cave any more. He was in a car with 3 terrified pairs of eyes staring at him in shock. Oh god, what had he done? He had just hit Stephen when all he had wanted to do was comfort him.

Speaking of comfort, his best friends hand was still tightly wrapped around his. It appeared to be the only source of warmth right now.   
  
"I am so sorry, Stephen. I don't- I don't know what came over me.", he apologized, trying to pull his hand free. He didn't deserve this comfort from Stephen. He didn't deserve his friendship.

But he only gripped his hand tighter. "Well, I think I do." Tonys' eyes shot up in question. "And considering the fact that you are one of the smartest people of our time, I think you do as well. You should go home, Anthony. You should rest."

"Go home? Staying all alone in that giant mansion? Yes, that is really going to make me rest, Stevie.", he hissed in anger, attempting once again to get free and failing again.  
  
"More than going to a press conference. You know those reporters. They will attack you like the pathetic vultures they are."   
  
"Stephen's right, Tony. And I'm sure you could stay at Rhodey's or mine. Or Stephen's. You shouldn't be left alone without supervision anyway." Peppers comment, while logical, only made Tony angrier.   
  
"I am 17, Pepper. I don't need supervision and besides, I don't think anyone would be willing to actually put up with me for more than-"

"You can stay at my place."   
  
Tony's mouth slammed shut. Stephen just shrugged at him. "I mean I know my apartment isn't big and one of us would have to sleep on the couch but it might be better than a way too big house all alone. Especially with those stupid glass windows."

Tony laughed. He knew his comment hadn't been that funny but couldn't help himself. He just let go of it all.

_I probably look absolutely mental._

He threw his head back into the seat and laughed until little tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He didn't know how long this circus continued but at last, he got control of himself and wiped the tears away.   
  
"Are you alright, boss?", Happy asked, on the verge of turning the car around and, following Peppers demand, driving straight to a hospital. Or a psychiatry.

"Yeah, Happy. I am fine.", he started to explain-

"No, you clearly aren't. Tony, something is wrong and I am done with you wiping it under a carpet."   
  
"No, Pepper, I really am. I just.." He shook his head. "Nevermind. I would like to stay at your place for a few days, Stevie but only if it's really-"

Stephen didn't even let him finish his sentence. "Anthony, we have been friends for so long. I will have your back no matter what. You should know this by now." He did until he had started to act like a complete fool.

A genuine smile broke out on his face, the first one in such a long time. "Alright, then but I will take the couch.", he teased with a slight smirk which was followed by Stephens disapproving huff.

"You can try, genius, you can certainly try.", came the dry reply.

After picking up 3 cheeseburgers from Burger King (which were all for Tony in the end and who could honestly blame him, he had lost around 25 pounds during his time abroad) they arrived at the Stark Industries building where all announcements were made and all conferences were held.  
  
"You guys don't have to come inside." He didn't want them to feel forced, knowing how much especially Stephen hated being in the news because of him. But the 2 were relentless and followed him out of the car straight away.

His heart soared when he spotted Obi just at the front entrance, surrounded by a bunch of security guards. For a second Tony thought to see a look of anger on his face but it was gone in a heartbeat, replaced by a bright smile when the older man saw him.

_At least I still got him._

"Tony, my boy!", he exclaimed in his usual rough voice, shaped by a life of screaming at staff and smoking his expensive cigars. He opened his arms and enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug which had him gasping for breath.

He released him and allowed the air to rush back inside his lungs. "I am so glad to see you, boy. You gave me quite the fright, do you know that?"

Obi softly slapped his cheek, not noticing how Tony flinched back at that. "How on earth did you manage to escape?", he asked but Tony just shook his head. This wasn't the time. He had a lot to make right first. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this update took so long.
> 
> I had a lot of problems to deal with in the past 2 months but I am back and I hope that new chapters will be posted more regularly now. 
> 
> A big thank you to all the people who still stick with the story after this long break, thank you!


	6. Confusion

Stephen watched with distaste as Anthony got smashed between Stane's arms. Something about this man was just completely putting him off. 

"Thank god that Obadiah is still here."

He turned his head in confusion towards the girl beside him. "What do you mean by that, Potts?" He was surprised at how calmly he managed to get the words out.

"Well, he lost both of his parents and has to run the most important weapons manufactory in the world. It is good that he has some help." She was talking sense, there was no need denying it but still-

He noticed Stane pulling Anthony along and towards the building, past the screaming paparazzi. They were already making him angry. "He has us. He has Rhodey.", he argued with her while following his friend.

"Yes but that is something else. Don't you think it is good that he has at least one sort of parental figure left?" She didn't seem to notice how off-put he was by that idea.

"Yeah, I guess you are right." There was no reason to continue the discussion. He would end up losing it one way or another. Once the two of them arrived at the entrance they were ushered inside and to the far side of the room.

Stephen tried finding Anthony's head of brown curls but he was nowhere to be seen. "Can you spot him anywhere, Potts?" His eyes kept on scanning the room but it was of no use.

"I guess he is still talking to Obadiah, you know,  about what to actually say. I imagine it will be concerning the future of Stark Industries. They are co-owners now after all." She didn't seem so much on edge anymore.

He suppressed an angry groan. That damn Stane guy. He'd have to talk to Anthony once they were home. At  _his_  home. He leaned back against the wall, slightly calmer. His friend would be going home with him and no one else. He was  _his_  best friend after all.

No one else had more of a right to take care of him, especially not some shady weapons dealer.

His eyes fell close for a second, not a surprise minding the fact that he hadn't really slept for the past 4 months. He could finally do so tonight, really rest. The couch wouldn't serve as the best bed but he wouldn't deny Anthony the real one.

He didn't want to think about how he had slept in that terrorist hide-out, probably not at all.

"Excuse me, Sir, but are you Stephen Vincent Strange?"

His eyes snapped open. Before him stood a small man, clad in a nice suit with a weird symbol pinned to his chest. It resembled a bird but Stephen had never seen it before. He frowned.

"Who wants to know that?", he asked, suspicion lacing his voice. The man didn't react except for a slight smirk.

"Agent Coulson from the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division." He offered his hand and Stephen took it with slight resistance.

"Smooth name you have there.", he quipped, causing Pepper to slightly chuckle beside him. The man just nodded.

"I know. We are working on it. That is not why I am here though."

Stephen crossed his arms. "You don't say. The question is why ARE you here. I can't see any reason whatsoever." He felt Peppers elbow softly nudging him in the ribs, warning him to be less sarcastic. As if that could stop him.

Agent Coulson did nothing but smooth down his jacket. "I have a few questions for Mister Stark, regarding his escape. I'd hoped that-"

"We are at a press conference. I imagine that every single person here wonders about that. Why don't you just wait until someone asks that question instead of bothering us? We know as little as you." Christ, he really hated press conferences.

Pepper coughed and put a calming hand on his arm. "Please excuse my friend. It has been a tough week for him, for all of us really." She shot him an angry glare. "But he has a point. I know you news magazines all want-" 

Coulson raised a dismissive hand at her. "You misunderstood me, Miss Potts, is it? I am not from a magazine. My intentions are slightly different." Stephen narrowed his eyes in distrust.

"And what, pray tell, are your intentions? How do you know my name? How do you know her name? Who the hell are you?" He was getting fed up with the agent, especially since he didn't show any reaction at all. He just continued to stand there with his smug face.

"I understand that you are quite upset at the current time, Mister Strange but I only ask of you to give my regards to Mister Stark and ask him for a meeting. As soon as possible, please."

_How dare he?_

"You know what-"

"We will give your request to Tony. I don't know how long it could take though for an answer. He literally just arrived." Pepper had softly pulled him back and was taking charge of the conversation.

"Thank you very much, Miss Potts. Here." He dug his hand into one of his pockets and pulled a little black card out of it, handing it to her. "Please call me as soon as you know anything. The both of you." With that, he turned around, clearly ready to leave.

"Where are you going? Don't you want to see the press conference?", she called after him in confusion. 

Coulson turned his head. "I already have what I came here for and you know better than anyone that you shouldn't believe anything that is said in meetings like this." Then he was gone, leaving a confused Pepper and an outraged Stephen behind.

_If this doesn't end soon I will go crazy._

As if someone had heard him, Stane appeared in front of the crowd and asked for silence. He really didn't do anything to lift Stephens' spirits though.

"I am happy to announce at this current time, that Tony Stark has safely returned from Afghanistan and he will talk to all of you shortly. Bear in mind that he hasn't been in the country long and therefore is still slightly chapped."

He coughed a few times before, to Stephens dismay, continuing. "I must ask of all of you to keep your questioning at a minimum and to not stress anything he isn't ready to answer. It is very genuine of him to even give a statement this soon after returning."

_At last, something that makes actual sense comes out of your mouth._

"Without further delay, I give you the new director of Stark Industries: Tony Stark!" He swept his arm up and under great applause, Anthony stepped on the stage with-

_Anthony, are you serious?_

-a half eaten cheeseburger still in hand. He was unbelievable. And still, it was so typically him. Stephen suppressed a smile at his best friend. After everything he had gone through, he shouldn't be denied a cheeseburger. Or anything else.

He couldn't help the disapproving eyebrow raise however when Anthony sat down in front of the podium, asking all the reporters and journalists to do the same.

_What is he playing at?_

"That way you can see me and it's a little less formal.", he explained before taking a big bite out of his burger. Pepper shook her head. So did he but eventually all the people in front of Anthony sat down, even Stane who was still on the stage with him.

"Can one of you explain to me what is going on?" Stephen turned his head to see Rhodey approaching them, somehow trying to find a way through the sitting crowd.

"Don't look at us.", Stephen defended himself and Pepper, who was quick to add: "We don't know what he is up too." Rhodey sighed and took his place beside Stephen all of them watching the stage with interest.

"It's good to see you.", his best friend was mumbling so quietly that he almost didn't hear him from his spot. His stomach turned when he realised that he was speaking to Stane who answered "It's good to see you too." with a sickeningly sweet smile and a supportive hand on Anthony's shoulder.

Stephen tensed and not only because of the following words.

"I never got to say goodbye to dad." His head turned towards the confused crowd. "I never got to say goodbye to my father.", he announced loudly. "I left the presentation early because I was angry with him. Without uttering a word to him, without a goodbye."

He went silent for a moment. "There was so much I had wanted to ask him, so many questions that are now left unanswered. For a start, I should have asked how he felt about what his company did."

It seemed like the whole room was holding its breath, even the usual clicking of the cameras was absent as Anthony continued:

"I should have asked him if he was conflicted; if he ever had doubts." He quickly wiped his mouth with a handkerchief. "Or maybe he was every inch the man we all remember from the news." He took a deep breath, his next words were filled with sadness.

"I saw young Americans killed by the very weapons my father and I created to defend and protect them." Stephen physically flinched at his words. The news hadn't given any indication which weapons were used in the attack but imagining that they were the very own Anthony and his father had created made him sick.

"And I saw that he- that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability." His eyes dulled and he stopped speaking, only snapping back to reality when a few reporters started saying his name and raising their hands.

He pointed at a guy with pen and notepad in the front. "What happened over there?", came the careful question, Stanes warning words apparently still in all their heads. Anthony looked at him for a moment before standing up, talking while doing so.

"I- I had my eyes opened. I came to realise that I have more to offer this world than just making things to blow up." He stopped behind the podium, everyone else still sitting on the ground and looking up to him in united question.

_What are you doing, Anthony?_

He had a faint idea but no. He wouldn't do that, he couldn't, right?

"And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacture division-"

The rest of his statement was lost in the collective screams of the reporters who were all jumping on their feet now, especially Stane who leapt the few steps towards Anthony and swung an arm over his shoulder, trying to pull him away from the microphone but with little success.

"Until a time where I have decided what the future of this company will be, what direction it should take.", he told the restless crowd in a fight with the man beside him who was raising his hand and trying to do at least some damage control.

To Stephens delight, he pushed his hands away and started leaving the stage while announcing "A direction that I am comfortable with and is consistent with the highest good for this country as well."

He couldn't believe it and judging from the faces Pepper and Rhodey made, they couldn't either. Anthony was shutting down the weapons division, Stark Industries wouldn't be making any more weapons...

"What the hell did just happen? Have you guys talked him into this?", Rhodey asked in disbelief, ignoring the fact that Stane was still on stage and talking.

His and Pepper's head whipped around simultaneously. "What?", he asked angrily. "Have you gone mad?"

Rhodey pointed at the leaving figure of Anthony. "No, but he clearly has. A press conference this shortly after he got back. Why didn't you stop him? This was set up to be a disaster."

"We tried!", Pepper defended them angrily. "You know Tony. Once he has an idea set in his head, there is no way of getting it out."

"Yeah, well, we shouldn't have allowed that to happen." Rhodey shook his head and the three of them started to leave the wild conference. "If he really goes through with his plan it would mean the ruin of Stark Industries."

"I don't think he will honestly.", the girl tried to persuade them, the words everything but convincing. Stephen didn't believe her for a second and he doubted that anyone else did.

"I think he will and can you blame him? He said he saw soldiers die thanks to his and his fathers' weapons. That had to hit him pretty hard." He received an angry look from the other two but shrugged it off. He was just happy to have Anthony back, hell could freeze over before he started a fight with him over something like that.

"I am not surprised by you taking his side.", Rhodey sighed. "Do you at least know where he is headed to now? I don't want him to return to the Stark mansion all alone after dropping a bomb like that. God knows what other ideas he has in his head."

"Don't worry. He is staying at Stephen's place for the next few days. Didn't want to be alone.", Pepper quickly explained. They exited the building to see Happy's car still parked in front of it but Anthony was nowhere in sight.

Stephen's stomach clenched. "At least I thought he would." He quickly walked up to the worried looking bodyguard. "Happy? Where is Anthony?" All he got in return was a shoulder shrug and a few excusing words.

"I don't know. He simply told me to bring you guys home. He had something to do first. Told me not to worry about him and to tell you, Stephen, that he will be arriving at your apartment shortly." He scratched his head in embarrassment.

"You are his bodyguard! You should be concerned about his whereabouts, especially after what happened!" He couldn't believe him. Did no one care at all?

_What is wrong with all of you?_

"I know... but they were his orders.." The tall man sighed and lowered his head. "I will bring the two of you home now. Orders from the boss." Stephen balled his hands, ready to throw a tantrum and storm off in search for his friends but Rhodey softly bumped his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Stephen. I will find him. You two should really head home now. It has been a long day." He opened his mouth in protest but didn't get the chance to say it out loud. "I know you are worried about him but you causing a scene now with all these reporters here will only make the situation worse. Please, you have to trust me."

_But I don't. I don't trust anyone anymore when it comes to Anthony and I will never do so again._

How could anyone expect that of him after he had almost lost him? But he realised that there was no way he could find Anthony, given the fact that he was most likely somewhere on the Stark Industrie ground. Security would be everywhere.

So he was left with no other choice but to climb back inside the car alongside Pepper and let himself be driven home. He was deep in thought, hands resting under his chin when the girl beside him started talking.

"You've got to talk with Tony. Rhodey is right. If he really leads Stark Industries on that course it will be ruined in the next months or so." She blew a red lock out of her face and pulled out her phone.

"Oh and I guess that you know that so precisely because you spent months studying their numbers?", he asked with a raised eyebrow. "We did nothing but argue the month before he went missing. I won't pick this habit up on his first day back home."

She sighed and looked up, meeting his gaze. "Stephen, please.-"

"No, not a chance but by all means, try talking him out of it the next time you see him. We all know his willingness to change plans because someone wants him to." He tilted his head, daring her to challenge him. 

"Fine.", she huffed in irritation. "He won't be able to shut it down by himself anyway. He is only co-owner as long as he is still 17 and I doubt that Obadiah will approve of that decision. I mean did you see the look on his face when Tony announced-"

_I've had enough._

"Why?", he interrupted her rudely. He didn't care. She stared at him in confusion. "Why shouldn't he be allowed to make this decision himself? The company is called Stark Industries. It should be in his hand."   

"He is a teenager, Stephen! He shouldn't be in charge of important things like that." She massaged her temples in stress. "I just want what is best for him."

Stephen dropped his head in his hands. "I know.", he soothed her. "We all do but I think he should be allowed some space. We can't just start to question him right away, don't you think?"

"Yes, of course, it's just- Don't you think that he is in the middle of doing a big mistake?" Well, did he? He rubbed his tired face, exhausted by the conversation.

"It's not in my right to tell him what to do. Now, all this complaining of yours is giving me a headache. Could you stop and just be glad that Anthony is back and still alive?" Why did everyone have to be so damn negative?

_I'm just glad that I haven't lost him completely._

Pepper looked thoughtful for a moment before, to his great surprise, nodding. "You are right. It's a miracle that he actually returned to us. I'm sorry, Stephen." She gave him a quick smile and turned her attention back to the phone in her hand.  

The determination with which she was typing sparked his interest. "Who are you texting?" He bent his neck, trying to see her screen.

She lightly slapped his arm. "Nosy much? I am just texting Christine, telling her how it all went. She probably wants to know."

"I bet she does.", he murmured with a shake of his head.

_And she has the nerve to call me nosy._

He bid his farewell from Pepper soon after, when Happy stopped at his apartment. He was about to close the door when she stopped him.

"Please text me when Tony gets here, okay? I'm still worried."

_You're not the only one._

"Of course I will. Goodbye, Potts." With that he closed the door, readying himself for the torture of waiting for Anthony. Maybe he could watch a movie to distract himself. Quickly getting inside his apartment, he flung himself on the couch and turned on the TV, deliberately ignoring the news channels.

Somewhere between getting mad at Anthony and starting to be worried that something had happened to him yet again, he found himself in front of the bathroom mirror. To his shock, he realised that his friend's remark earlier had been right. His beard looked... like a mess. He looked like a mess- 

_What the hell?_

He would have gotten rid of it right away, too bad that he didn't own a razor at the moment. A lot of his usual daily routine had been getting ignored for a long time, a way too long time. He ran a hand through his hair, a stupid habit he had picked up. It destroyed his looks even further. He groaned but ultimately gave up, realising that it would only get worse.

The hours wasted away and so did he. He checked his phone so often it was on the verge of becoming a compulsion. What else could he do? One message was all he wanted, to know that Anthony was fine. But no. Nothing.  
_  
Damn self-centred, stupid, narcissistic self-destroying-_

There was a quiet noise, a dull thump on his front door. He heard it once, then twice. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.  
  
_Prick._

He opened his door, almost expecting someone else to stand there. But he was met with the sheepish face of Anthony, a black bag in hand.   
  
"I thought it would be good to stop by the mansion and get some things. You know.." He made a face and sighed. "I am sorry that I didn't give you any warning I just-"  
  
"It's alright.", Stephen interrupted and reached for the bag, taking it from him. "Come in." Where had his anger gone, his determination to trim him down to size? He had made him wait for- well he hadn't really checked the time but judging from the fact that it was dark outside- hours.   
  
He had thrown it out of the window the moment he spotted his jerk of a friend. The old Anthony would have knocked louder, would've strolled into his apartment like he owned the damn place. The old Anthony wouldn't have apologised.   
  
_Where is he?_

"I am putting your stuff in the bedroom.", he called not even waiting for the protest he knew would come. "You are taking the bed, end of discussion."   
  
The beaten "Fine." he received made him sick but he didn't dare turn around. Once he had disposed of the stuff he returned to the main room to find Anthony slouched on his couch.   
  
"I missed this place.", he told him without making eye contact.   
  
Stephen huffed. "Come on, we are barely here. We always hang out at your place. I think I even forgot one of my favourite sweaters there." No harm in trying to lift the mood, was there?  
  
"Fair enough but this place has always been more cosy, more familiar." He rested his head on the backrest and took a deep breath.

"Probably the only benefit of a small and crowded apartment.", he joked.   
  
"I told you before, Stevie-"  
  
He groaned, mad at the direction this had taken. "I know but I don't want your money, Anthony." They have had that discussion so many times before and he doubted that it would ever really end.   
  
"I wonder why we are friends then." The comment was intended to be funny but Stephen found it anything but that.  
  
"I am not your friend because you are rich, Anthony.", he hissed out between his teeth. He didn't know how often he actually had that assumption thrown at him by a variety of people, especially journalists.

Not once in all the years they had known each other, not once in all the years they had been friends did Stephen think about using him to get money. What kind of person would do that?  _Stupid question._ There were always people like that.  _Well, I'm certainly not one of them._

Tony gave him a sad smile. "Then something is seriously wrong with you."

"Yeah and I guess with Pepper and Rhodey and Christine as well.", he retorted, trying to show him that he was barking up the wrong tree. "No one uses you for your money, idiot. We hang out with you because we like you."

"Lucky me."

His eyes were in danger of getting stuck on the inside of his skull. "Alright, that's enough. I think you should head to bed. You clearly need sleep to get your genius brain back on track."

_Insult his intelligence, perfect. You are so clever, Strange._

Apparently, it did the trick though. His eyes lit up and he straightened his back. He should have known. He wouldn't back down from this challenge.

"This brain got me out of a cave with no less than 30 heavily armed terrorist against me. I don't think it needs rest. If I look at you however.." He made a vague gesture and Stephen would have attacked him if it weren't for his broken arm.   
  
"You are spared, just because it wouldn't be fair of me to attack an injured man. Now, did you bring anything useful with you, like a razor perhaps?", he asked stroking his disgrace of a beard. _That thing must disappear._

Anthony's eyes shot up in alarm. "Why?", he asked, voice almost pitching.   
  
He looked at him in confusion and pointed at his face. "What do you mean  _why_? Look at me, I look like a dog. That beard has to go and while we are at it, I think my hair could also use some-"

"No!"

"No?" What was going on? Was he in the middle of getting another attack?

Anthony looked like he had been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. "I mean- no, I didn't bring a razor, sorry." He didn't look remotely sorry but Stephen decided to drop it, not even sure what he was dropping exactly.

"Fine. I'll just buy something tomorrow. One night won't kill me... I hope." He knew he was overreacting but.. he just hated not feeling clean. The months with Anthony gone being an exception, of course.

"I would think about it again.", his friend suggested with a shrug. "I mean, look at us: We have the same hair. We could be the facial hair guys!" Stephen closed his eyes. 

"I hate you."

"No, I've got something even better!" His eyes opened again just in time to see the genius jumping up and strolling towards him. "Awesome Facial Hair Bros!" He raised his arm, clearly expecting a high five.   
  
Stephen looked him dead in the eye, trying to tell him without words that it wouldn't happen but Anthony had his mouth slightly opened and formed into a soft smile. He couldn't-

Before he knew it his treacherous body had given in and returned the high five but he didn't miss the chance to throw another "I hate you" in it.

But Anthony didn't seem to hear him, just happy to have found a new name he could tease him with.  _As if Stevie wasn't bad already._

He watched the man in front of him slowly taking down his arm again, the motion somehow stiff. He tilted his head in question when he saw it.   
  
"What is wrong with your chest?"

Anthony went rigid, his eyes starting to remind Stephen of a chased animal. His friend opened his mouth and... nothing came out. He simply stood there looking like a fish out of the water. It was almost comical.

_I guess I have to take care of it myself- again._

Slowly, very slowly to give him a chance to pull back if he wanted to, he reached towards him, aiming for his chest. He softly connected with it and pulled the fabric of his shirt down to discover-

"Oh my god, Anthony!", he screamed, regretting it as soon as he saw his friend flinch and trying to retreat. "What-  _what_ happened over there, Anthony?" His voice was nothing more but a faint whisper, his other hand had landed on his friend's arm, softly trying to keep him in place.

His eyes darted to Anthony's for a moment before landing again upon that... thing. There, right in the centre of his chest was-

_Well, what the hell is it?_

-a big, blue glowing ball? It reminded Stephen of something, he swore he had seen it somewhere before, just a bit different. But what, for the love of god, did it do inside Anthony's chest?

There were angry, red scratches around it and something that looked like dried-

_No, stop._

He closed his eyes, not able to actually continue that thought. "Anthony?", he pressed instead, desperate for answers from the man himself.   
  
"It's..." He released a long sigh. "A bit complicated, Stevie."   
  
"A BIT complicated? Anthony, something is sticking in your chest!" Why was he so calm about it?   
  
"Well, it's actually helping me. You know-"  
  
"No, I don't know. You are not telling me anything! You come back and just drop that bombshell on everyone regarding Stark Industries, get attacks that freak me out and now you have a weird metal thing stuck inside you-"

Anthony raised his hand weakly, trying to get him to stop his rant but wild horses couldn't drag him away from this right now.

"-and now you just expect me to know?!", he spat in his face, chest heaving from the outburst, hands trembling. He wanted to shake him until he started making sense.   
  
Anthony was quiet, hand still halfway up. It took him quite a while to regain his composure. "Are you angry with me?" It sounded so childlike it made Stephen stop. In all the years he had known the genius he had never asked a question like that. It just didn't fit his character at all. A big smirk and an unapologetic shrug, that was more like it.   
  
But this? This remorse and fear in Anthony's eyes? He had no idea where that came from.

"I- I'm not angry with you.", he uttered, at last, completely unsure of how to continue this argument if it even was one anymore. "I just don't understand. You need to talk to me. That's what friends do, Anthony. They talk to each other."

Stephen only now realised that his hand was still lying on his chest. It felt warm, despite the cold reactor in the middle.

_Wait a minute._

"That looks like the Arc Reactor."

"Does it?"

"Anthony, please." He was getting tired of this.

"Yeah, okay. It is the Arc Reactor, just smaller.", he finally admitted and took a step back, leaving Stephens fingers grasping for the air. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I want to take a shower and then sleep if that is alright with you."   
  
It really wasn't. He wanted to continue their talk but at this point he could see the eyebags forming under his friend's eyes, making him look so much older than he really was. He desperately needed sleep.

"Alright.. but you can shower with this thing, right? It won't give you a shock because I don't want to do resuscitation on you." He wasn't even joking, he was seriously concerned.

Anthony shrugged. "Sure, as long as I protect it properly. I brought some plastic bags for it and the arm... and even without, those terrorists made a habit out of pushing my head into the water and almost drowning the reactor in the process. I think it will survive a shower."

Stephens whole body tensed with untenable rage at his words. How dare they to touch his Anthony?  _How fucking dare they?_ Instead of lashing out at the other man he simply nodded. He wasn't angry at him after all.

"Go and take a shower then. Towels are in the bathroom.", he said and headed towards the kitchen counter, in need of something eatable. He turned around however when he noticed that Anthony wasn't moving from his spot.  
  
"Can I- Well can I get some clothes to sleep in, Stevie?" He had taken the shade of a light red.

"You thought about bringing plastic bags to cover your arm and reactor but not pyjamas... or a razor?"

"Sorry. It's been-"

"-a long day, I know.", he ended the sentence with a sigh. "Of course, I should have a spare shirt lying around somewhere in my bedroom. Feel free to grab some stuff."

Anthony's face lit up slightly. "Thanks."

He emerged with Stephens clothes from the shower sometime later, hair still slightly wet and dropping water on his floor. It had gotten even darker outside in the meantime. "I needed that."

"I bet you did. So if that is all you need for the evening I would suggest that we go to sleep now." 

_And in the morning, we talk._

His friend nodded before murmuring "Just one more question if it's okay."

"Sure, what is it?"

"How did she die?" The question hit Stephen off guard. He knew who he was talking about, of course. After he failed to answer Anthony added: "Obi was about to tell me but I wanted to hear it from you."  
  
That made his brows furrow. "Why?" He regretted the bland question right away. He should have felt honoured. Well. or maybe cursed. A little bit of both sounded nice.

"Don't know." He shrugged, appearing to be bored. "Would you tell me now, please?" His fingers were starting to twitch, a clear sign of nervousness.   
  
"You sure you want to hear-"

"Of course I want to hear the reason that my mother is dead." He was way too calm. It made him feel on edge.

"Well, uhm- the news said and, well, James said that she.." He ran a hand through his hair, lost for words. "That she-" and yet again the words died on his lips.   
  
"Just tell me."  
  
"She killed herself, Anthony."

_There, I said it. Bet you regret asking now._

It sure looked like he did. His eyes had gone cold, his features turned to stone. "She killed herself?", he repeated the words. They sounded full of disbelief, full of anger. "She killed herself even though I was still alive."

"She didn't know that.", he tried to sooth but Anthony shook his head.

"Obi told me. He told me that they knew that I was captured. She killed herself even though she knew I wasn't dead."  
  
He helplessly watched as his friend started to build a wall around himself, hiding every bit of emotion, of weakness, behind it. He wanted to say something, anything to get him away from that idea, the idea that his mother didn't care about him but he didn't know how.   
  
"I'm sorry.", was all that left his mouth in the end.   
  
"Why? You aren't the reason that she died. It's her fault." He was starting to get bitter, he could hear it.   
  
"Anthony-"

"I actually thought that she would care more about me than the old man did. Guess I was wrong." He turned around without another word and vanished in the bedroom, leaving a defeated Stephen behind staring at the closed barrier between them.

Following him would do no good so he simply went to open the door and whispered into the dark "I'm here if you need something, no matter what time it is." He didn't think he would receive an answer and he was right.   
  
With a heavy heart, Stephen returned to the couch and started to transform it into a reasonable bed. He knew it would be too hard to really be a good sleeping arrangement but he had to make do and so he did.  
  
It took rather a short time until he lay in the dark, eyes fixed on the ceiling above him, studying it. Somehow he didn't feel like sleeping and he had a feeling that the man next door didn't either.

"Stevie?", came the quiet voice through the opened door. Stephen sighed.  _Patience, that is the key. Just stay patient._  
  
"What is it, Anthony?", he asked in an equally low voice, again not expecting an answer. It came, however, a few moments later.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
"For what?"

"Everything."   
  
His heart soared.

"Go to sleep, Anthony."

There was a faint "Good night." Stephen didn't answer until he was sure that he was asleep.

"Good night, Tony. I'm so sorry as well." His words echoed unheard in the dark living room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quicker update this time. I hope you like it!


	7. Preparing

It was damp around him. He was lying on something, something hard. It made his back ache horribly.  _What is going on?_  He tried to clear his thoughts.  _Oh god, not again._ He lifted his head and tried to take in his surrounding but there was nothing but darkness which steadily seemed to close in on him.

His brows furrowed and he slowly got up into a sitting position, confused and lost.  _Why am I here? Where am I?_ It was warm, too warm. He started to sweat almost instantly.   
  
"Hello?", he uncertainty called out. "Someone there?" There was something, a slight hitch in the air. It sounded like someone breathing. Or something. "I can hear you. Answer."

A bright light, unnatural and artificially, suddenly filled the room and blinded him for a moment, forcing him to shut his eyes. He blinked a few times, trying to see through the pain.

"Son."

Tony leaned forward, his eyes almost ready to see beyond the barrier of yellow but even without his ability to do so he recognized the voice. "Dad?"

"It should have been you."

"What? Dad, what are you talking about?" Finally, the light dimmed and revealed the figure of his father, towering above him just a few feet away. "Where are we?"

"It should have been you.", his father repeated, voice cold and calculating. Tony knew it so well. "It should have been you."

"What do you mean? Explain." He attempted to get up but somehow his legs didn't move. He tried to make out the features of his father in hope to understand what was going on but it almost looked like he had no face.

Not that he ever had the talent to read his father's emotions very well. Still, this felt different.   
  
"You should have died." There was no hate behind those words; like he was doing nothing but stating boring facts. "What right did you have to survive?"   
  
His mouth opened once, then closed again.  _Well, what right did I have?_ "I- I managed to escape. I did it.", he tried to justify himself. "I deserve to live."

"You don't.", another voice filled the room. "You don't deserve to live." And then, in front of his eyes, Yinsen manifested next to the old man. His face was also nothing but a blur. "You killed me."

"No, I didn't!", he howled in disbelief. "You told me, just before you died, that this was part of the plan! So you could see your family again." That's what had happened. Tony had wanted to save him, to carry him outside and finish their journey together.

"And you were stupid enough to believe it.", the voice continued to taunt him. "You killed me." They were both standing there, judging him. They had no right. They were wrong, weren't they? They were wrong...

"You destroyed my legacy. You brought shame upon my name. You don't deserve to bear the Stark name.", his father continued but Tony shook his head, trying to keep the lies away from his head, tears prickling in the corner of his eyes.

"I should be your legacy, not that damn company! We are murderers!"

"How could you be our legacy? You are nothing."

 _No, please not you as well..._ But his pleading was of no use and he had to watch helplessly as his mother joined the other two.

"The company is worth more than you will ever be and you brought ruin upon it."

 _No, no, I didn't. I didn't._ "I didn't, mom! I'm trying to save it." The tears were falling freely now, leaving wet stains on his cheeks. "Please, mom, I'm trying to save it."

"You couldn't save us. What makes you think you can save the company? Or anyone else? You were born a failure and you will die as such." The voices of this parents seemed to be morphing together now, creating one hunting chant.   
  
"You killed us." Now, Yinsen's joined them as well, making it even louder, making it even more believable. But they were still wrong, so wrong...

"They're right, Anthony."

Tony's head whipped around, a loud sob breaking free while he did. No, this couldn't be right. He would never turn his back on him. He would never betray him. He would never blame him.

And yet, as he watched Stephen standing above him like a consuming shadow, he started to question himself. Unlike the others, his face was clear to see. It was full of hatred, full of repulsion.  _No._

"Stephen, please...", he managed to choke out between the sobs that were wrecking his body. "You know what I'm saying is true. Tell them, please." In any other situation he would have found his pleading pathetic but right now it was the only thing he could think of.

But it didn't help. If anything, Stephen's face only appeared to grow more furious. "You? When have you ever spoken the truth to anyone? You couldn't even find the courage to tell me how you really feel." The sneer he gave him almost broke him.

"I- I was scared. It doesn't mean I wanted to lie to you. Stephen.." Once again, he tried to move, with more force than before and surprisingly actually managed to stumble onto his feet. With trembling steps, he walked towards his friend but no matter how many he took, he couldn't get any closer. It was maddening.

"Of course you were scared. You are a coward, Anthony, you've always been." Stephen gave him a horrible smile, teeth bared, mocking him. Stephen didn't smile like that; Stephen smiled softly; Stephen would never mock him like that. This wasn't his Stephen.

The next question hit him so hard he physically recoiled, haltering his steps. "Did you really think that anyone would actually love you? You?", he spat at him in disgust. "Look at you. I bet you actually thought that."

Tony's raging breaths only continued to grow heavier. "Yes..", he whispered through the tear. "I thought..." His voice died. "Please, Stephen."

"No one loves you, Anthony."

Tony shook his head.  _Lies._

"I don't love you, Anthony. You are nothing but a pathetic-"

"Stop it! Please! Enough!", he shouted, covering his ears like a child, sinking to the ground and curling into a ball.  _Pathetic. He's right._  "Please..." He didn't look up. His eyes stayed closed even when he felt the faintest breath on his cheek, drying his still flowing tears.   
"Who could ever love someone like you? That's why no one will care when you die here, all alone." Then he felt movement in front of him and when he finally found the courage to look up he was met with the sight of his 4 taunters slowly retreating. 

"No, dad. Yinsen. Mom.  _Stephen_. Please, don't leave me. Please, I can change, Just tell me what to do. Please!" He was about to move when a stabbing pain his chest pulled him back. He looked down in horror, trying to make something out through the wetness.   
  
"No!", he screamed once he saw the gaping hole in his chest. "I fixed it! I fixed it!"

"You can't fix anything. All you can do is destroy."   
  
The hole was growing, spreading over his chest and continuing to do so until he felt nothing but pain.  _They are right. I don't deserve them. They are right. They are right._

Blood pooled down onto his shoulders, making those areas especially hot and burning but Tony didn't care. The darkness could take him. He deserved it.

"Anthony?"

_Yes, Stephen. I know. I'm worthless._

"Anthony."

_Pathetic, useless._

"Anthony!"

_Who could ever love me?_

"Tony! Wake up!"

Tony shot up in bed, a last desperate "No!" leaving his mouth in the process. The cold ground had been replaced by soft and warm sheets but they did nothing to decrease his shivering. Wild and panicked eyes looked around until they glued onto figure above him.

Stephen was leaning over him, eyes wide as his, worry etched into his beautiful features. It seemed to subside once he realised that Tony was awake. "It's alright, Anthony. You are fine.", he soothed him, voice perfectly controlled.

Nothing was fine, least of all him.

"Anthony.", he murmured again. "Come on. You have to talk to me. Otherwise, I can't help." He started rubbing his shoulders in a silent gesture of comfort, trying to get Tony to stop quivering like a madman.

His hands felt so warm, so peaceful. If he closed his eyes, maybe he could-

_No one loves you, Anthony._

Tony swatted Stephens hands away, ignoring the outraged grunt he received from him.   
  
_I don't love you, Anthony._

"I am fine, Stephen.", he hissed, angrily wiping the tears away which had managed to break through the dream barrier. No one should see him like that, not now, not ever. He shouldn't show such weakness.   
  
"What were those screams about then?" Stephen was starting to get angry too. Tony could hear it, could see it in the shadow that fell over his face. It grew too close to that of the other Stephens.

"Please." He was growing so tired of the word. "Just leave." He hoped that his friend couldn't hear the vulnerability in his voice. Apparently, he really didn't.

"I give you a place to stay, my bed to sleep in and you want to throw me out? Out of my own bedroom?" Stephen shook his head and made the attempt to get up, was stopped however by Tony's arm around him, doing his best to pull him into a hug.

It proved difficult with the other arm trapped in a sling but he hoped to get the message across. He didn't survive that living hell in Afghanistan to lose him now.

"I'm sorry. I know that I'm ungrateful. I try not to be but... you know me." He directed the words into his friend's neck, trying his best not to notice how his lips brushed the warm skin there from time to time. "It was just a really bad nightmare."

"Yeah, alright." Stephen softly removed himself from him, eyes strangely empty. "Forget about it. Just go back to sleep." With that, he stood up, leaving Tony sitting on the bed in confusion.

"See you tomorrow, Stevie.", he whispered after him but his friend had already turned out the light and vanished in the other room. Tony remained once again alone with his inner thoughts and fears.

_Damn it._

With a racing heart, he reluctantly lied down again, the distant smell of Stephen invading his senses and calming him at least a bit. He almost felt bad for lying to him about not having clothes to sleep in... or a razor. Almost.

In the end, it didn't matter because he didn't sleep another moment that night.

 

* * *

 

_Maybe this isn't the best idea._

Tony opened the front door of the Stark mansion with shaking hands. He wasn't sure what time it was. The sun was just peeking above the horizon, setting the sky on fire. He had left when it still had been dark, trying his best not to wake the sleeping man on the couch.

He knew that he was dead as soon as Stephen woke up but he would have never let him leave if Tony had asked. He could deal with the consequences later. His phone was on mute for obvious reasons.

"Jarvis?", he asked into the empty entrance hall. Nothing in there would suggest that anything had happened in the last months. The house still looked completely fine. He was sure that someone was even still cleaning here regularly.

"Hello, Sir. It is a pleasure to hear your voice again. I expected you to return here yesterday."

The A.I voice made him smile a bit. "Sorry, buddy. I am actually staying at Stephen's apartment for the moment.", he explained while making his way through the lobby and towards the stairs leading to his lab.

He tried his best not to look at anything in particular, his eyes repeatedly going out of focus. Anything, just to keep the uprising feelings inside of him at bay. Thinking too much about anything that happened here would be no good.

"I sent Obi in here yesterday evening to collect some things though. Didn't you ask him about me?" He entered the code on the entrance to his workshop, happily discovering that it still worked.

"Mister Stane only reactivated me last night, after he had already left.", Jarvis informed him after a moment of silence. "I was able to catch up on anything I have missed so far. I am really sorry, Sir."

"It's alright, buddy. I-" He was in the middle of searching through some old papers he had left on his desk when he stopped. "What do you mean catching up? Why did Obi have to reactivate you?"

"Apparently, I was hacked and shut down around the same time you got attacked in Afghanistan. They only managed to get me back up last night."

Tony sat at his desk and stared into the room in disbelief. "Hacked? Is that even possible?" He had created Jarvis himself, not once had the thought that he was actually able to get hacked or catch a virus crossed his mind.

"It appears so, Sir, judging by the state I have been in for last 4 months.", the A.I retorted dryly. Maybe he was joking, maybe he wasn't. For Tony, it was nothing more than a new stab in the gut.

"I'm sorry, buddy. Seems like I keep on disappointing everyone at the moment.", he sighed. He stared at his desk which was still littered with files and papers before swatting them all down with his arm.   
  
They created a pretty loud sound for just being pieces of paper. So loud that it made him flinch.  _Stupid idea, then._ Even the slightest sound make him act like a deer in headlights. It pissed him off.

He was 17. He couldn't be so broken already.

"No need to apologize, Sir.", Jarvis answered quickly after witnessing his outburst. "And might I suggest another place to keep your files other than the ground. You might find them getting dirty there."

Tony huffed. "Who cares? They are worth nothing now anyway. I have another project to work on." He sat down in front of his wall of monitors and started typing. "I'd like to open a new project file, index as Mark II."

"Shall I store this on the Stark Industries' central database?", came the question as he started putting the sketches into a 3D hologram on his work table. Tony pressed his lips together. The conversation he had with Obi the day before came back to his mind.

"I don't know if that would be such a good idea. 'Til further notice, why don't we just keep everything on my private server.", he decided, at last, looking at the hologram in concentration.

"Working on a secret project, are we, Sir?", came the question.

"I don't want this winding up in the wrong hands. Maybe in mine, it could actually do some good." He doubted that he was actually able to do that at this point but he'd try everything to make at least a few his mistakes right.

The hours passed in a blur with Tony bent over his table, trying his best to improve the flaws he hadn’t been able to really work out back in that cave. During the work process, he realised that he probably needed some help.   
  
 _You definitely need help, moron._

He stared at the new reactor in his hand, an improvement to the one currently inside his chest. There was a problem, however.

“How am I going to get the bloody thing replaced?”, he groaned out helplessly. He was sure that he’d somehow be able to do it in time but it would be too challenging, especially with only one working arm. He wasn’t one to back down from a challenge but in his current state, it wouldn’t be the best idea to push his luck.

_17\. You’re 17 and already like this. Good job._

“Might I suggest, Sir, to get yourself some assistance? I’m sure Miss Potts would be ready to help.”

Tony shook his head. “No, We shouldn’t worry Pepper with this. Besides, she doesn't know about this little souvenir.”

“You have to tell her at some point, Sir.”

“What are you, my conscience? I’ll tell her in time.”

“Who knows about your problem then?”, Jarvis questioned further.

“Well, Obi, of course. And-”  _Well, shit._ “Stephen does.” Great, this really put him in a dilemma.

“To my knowledge, you once described Mister Stranges’ hands as utterly divine and insanely talented. You might want to call him for help.”

“The problem is-” His breath hitched. “When did I ever say that?” He could practically feel his eyes growing big. “I’m sure I never said anything like that in my life.”

“I have a protocol of every conversation we ever had, Sir. Do you want me to play the audio record?” He was about to say no but Jarvis had meant it as a rhetorical question.   
  
 _“Do you know what ‘e did today? ‘e showed me one of those weird tutorials on YouTube. Y’know, it’s a neuro- neurosur- I can’t remember what’s it called- channel and ‘e is totally obsessed with it. But when ‘e mimicked those moves- oh my god ‘is ‘ands are just utterly divine and insanely talented and, oh the things ‘e could probably do-.”_

“Mute!” He didn’t even know when that conversation had happened but judging from his heavy slur he probably had been completely and utterly wasted. He sat down in front of his desk and let his head fall on its surface with a loud  _thump_.

Good lord, what how much did he drink that day? “If I unmute you and you ever play that recording again I’ll donate you to Harvard. I won’t hesitate.” He sighed but didn’t bother moving. “Unmute.”

“I’ll resist the urge to be offended.”

Tony chuckled quietly before finally raising his head. “Can you even be that?” From past experiences, he knew how offended Jarvis could actually get. There had been nights spend out on the parking lot because he had insulted him.

“Do you want me to delete any of those conversations we had?”, his friend continued to tease him.  _This damn A.I._

“Don’t tell me there was more than one.” This was too much for his ego. He was acting like a lovesick fool.

“There are a considerable number of them, Sir.” Maybe he was going mad, nevermind, he was definitely going mad, but he swore he could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Alright, just- never mention them to Stephen. Or anyone else.” That would be the end of him. “Now, I guess you better call him. I do need his help after all.”  _I am doomed._

“Very well, Sir. There are 28 missed calls from Mister Strange. Calling him now.” Tony wanted to bash his head into the table. He’d forgotten that he had told Jarvis to ignore every call during his work. Not to mention that his phone had ended up somewhere between the mess that was his work.

“Don’t be too hard on me, Stevie.”, he murmured to himself, knowing full well that it would never happen. 

“Who is this?”

Tony frowned. It must have shown that he was calling from the mansion. “It’s me, Stevie. Tony.”

Silence. It stretched over seconds. “Stevie?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting?”

“For an explanation why you aren’t in my apartment; why I wasn’t able to call you for hours.”, the voice on the other line hissed at him. “Give me one and do it now or I’ll drive over to the mansion and strangle you, Anthony.”

_You are going to explain it. You are going to tell him exactly what has been bothering you for months. Do it._

“Sounds good. Drive safe but try to be quick about it. I don’t have all day.” With that, he ended the call.  _You. Fucking. Moron._ “Jarvis, am I an idiot?”, he asked while staring blankly at a wall.

“From an I.Q point of view, no, Sir. Quite the opposite actually. From a social point of view- well, I don’t think that actually needs an answer.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. Why was he like this? “I guess you’re right, buddy. Nevermind, unlock the front door for Stephen please. Knowing him, he will be here in no time.”

It wasn’t that Stephen was a reckless driver, not normally at least. But his excessive use of the phone was giving him grey hairs regularly.  _And he is probably going to break every speed limit to kill me as quickly as possible._

He could use the remaining time he had to work, there was no better way to distract him from all his problems. He carefully positioned the new reactor on the table before returning to the workbench.   
  
“We have to do a little shopping soon, Jarvis.”, he mentioned while mentally scanning through all the stuff he’d need.   
  
His friend didn’t miss a beat. “I guess it won’t be done with one quick trip to Walmart, Sir?”

“Right, as always. For now, prepare the switch. I think that bench over there will do.”

“Very well, Sir.”

He was right in the end. Stephen arrived quicker than it would have been possible if he didn’t break every rule there was to driving a car. Tony could hear his angry footsteps from all the way down in his lab. He was already lying, bare-chested, on the prepared operation bench.

His friend barely stopped at the door to slam in his code for the room. “I’m going to kill you, you absolute prick.” No matter how angry he was, he never really screamed at him. Probably wouldn’t have a voice left if he did so.

“Yeah, I understand. Can we do it later, tho? I kind off need your help right now.”   
  
Stephen froze on the spot when he noticed Tony’s current state, having been so lost in his anger that he didn’t see it before. “What is going on?” His eyes darted between the reactor in his chest and the one in his hand. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”, Tony quickly soothed his worries. “It’s nothing bad. Well, nothing I haven’t dealt with for months already. I just need to replace it.” He coughed once. It was way too loud to sound natural. “Um, show me your hands.”, he demanded as if he hadn’t spent hours and hours staring at them in wonder.   
  
Having studied them like a map, he knew them better than his own. Every inch of them.  
  
“Excuse me?”, came the confused reply but Stephen raised his hands nonetheless. “Here.”

 _Perfect, as always._ Well, he couldn’t really say that, so he went a bit more subtle. “Yeah, that will do I suppose.” Or a bit much more.  _Idiot._

“Just in case you haven’t noticed, I have no idea what I should do.”  _Yeah, I mean you came here to kill me after all._

“You want to be a neurosurgeon, don’t you?”

Stephen cocked his head to the side and came to a stop directly beside him. “You know I do. Still, that doesn’t explain-”

“Picture this as a fun round of Operation. You always loved playing that.” They had spent hours playing the game when they were children. Stephen always won even though Tony’s hands were more than steady. “You just got to remove the reactor from my chest and place the new one in there.”

Stephen's face was to die for. “I- what? Anthony, I’m not going to touch anything there, not to mention remove something. I don’t even know why you have that damn thing in there.”

Why did he always have to be so complicated?  
  
“Listen, I’ll tell you everything after we are finished here but right now I need your assistance. Besides, it’s completely safe.” He made eye contact with his best friend, trying not to get lost in the blue-grey pools. The connection was broken when Stephen closed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

“Fine but after that, I want to hear the whole story and you better don’t leave anything out.” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “What do I have to do?”

_Don’t be awkward about this._

“Right. Let me start by-” He handed him the new reactor. “Hold this please.” Then, he slowly reached for the current one in his chest and turned it with a quick move of his hand. It came out without a problem. “Good. I’ll just put this over here somewhere.”

The offending thing landed on a table with a loud crash.   
  
Stephen huffed disapprovingly. “Shouldn’t you be more careful with that?” He was standing so close to Tony that he could smell the cologne he was using. _Stay focused._

“No, it’s of no use anymore. This one there.” He pointed at the faintly glowing reactor in Stephens' hands. “is what’s going to keep me alive for the near future.” His friend’s eyes grew big.

“Keep you alive?”, he choked out. “Are you in danger of dying?”

“Not now. Like I said, later. We got to be careful. Reach inside here.” He tapped on the metal ring surrounding the hole in his chest. “Don’t be shy. I won’t bite.”

Stephen raised his eyebrow and made a face. “Must I remind you of that one time we were in summer camp together? I needed 4 stitches. 4, Anthony.” Tony groaned angrily.

“That was one time! And it had been practically your fault.” He had warned him not to tease him. “Just reach inside me already.”

“That has to be the weirdest pick-up line I’ve ever heard.”, Stephen quipped quietly, completely missing the way Tony shivered at his words. He obeyed, however. “So what do I- ew. Anthony, what is this gooey stuff inside here?”

Tony wove a hand at him. “It’s alright. Nothing to concern you about. It’s harmless. Now, can you feel the copper wire? It is very fine.” He tried not to move too much but the whole situation was awkward. After all, Stephen was hand deep inside him.   
  
 _Bad choice of words. Very. Bad. Choice. Of. Words._

“Hold on.” Stephens' eyes closed in concentration while he was feeling around the plasma waste. “Okay, I think I got it.”

“Yeah, you got it?”, Tony asked again just to be sure. This was a complicated operation after all.

“Yes, I have it. What now?”

“Pull it out, gently, and just make sure you don't touch the sides.” He bit his lip in anticipation. “Otherwise you will zap meeeeeeee-” His warning ended with a nice electric shock.   
  
“Oh, no. I am so sorry. Restless fingers.” Stephen looked everything but sorry. 

“I’ve never met anyone with more steady hands. You did that on purpose.”, Tony hissed angrily at him  
  
“Can you prove it?”

“Jerk.” Tony pouted at him but the smirk on Stephen's face made him relax in an instant. “Now, just gently pull it out and-”

Stephen ripped, in one swift and fluid movement the cable with the magnet at the end of it out. “Got it.”, he declared in triumph.

“-whatever you do don’t pull out the magnet at the end of it.”, he finished even though it was already too late. The damage was done.

Stephen stared at him in disbelief. “What?”

“What I was trying to tell you - no, don't put it back in! Just put it over there, we have to hurry…”

“What's wrong?” His friend quickly disposed of the magnet.

Tony shrugged matter-of-factly. “Oh, nothing, I'm just going into cardiac arrest, because you…”

He distinctly heard Stephen starting to panic. “ _What_? I thought you said this was safe, Anthony!”

“...just yanked it out like a trout.”, he softly finished his accusation, a funny feeling starting to spread inside of him. It was so peaceful. He felt nothing- nothing at all. “Maybe, I’ll just sleep for a little while… rest my eyes.”

“Anthony? Don’t you die on me now! Tell me what I have to do!” Tony didn’t hear him. He felt so relieved, finally no worries that kept him stressed. He could just lie down and sleep, just sleep-

A big jolt in his chest made him jump and gasp for breath. “Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!” He turned his head to see Stephen with the new reactor in hand watching him. He was breathing just as heavily as him.

“Are you alright, Anthony?”, he whispered.   
  
Tony quickly cleared his throat. “Yes, of course. What did you do?”

Stephen released a long breath before answering “I connected the new reactor. Attached the wire to the base plate, obviously. You were starting to doze off.”

“Oh.” So that wouldn’t have been a nap. Well, technically it would have been one. Just for forever. The thought didn’t bother or scare him as much as it should. “See? I told you it was easy.”

His friend threw his head back. “Don’t you ever make me do this again.” He fixated Tony with a stare that could break ice.   
  
Tony tried to lift the mode. “But it was fun, wasn’t it? Operation extreme, now it’s getting real.”, he joked while securing the new reactor. For some reason, he didn’t think that Stephen found it funny.

“I’m serious. I almost killed you, Anthony!” He helped him to sit up and started looking around. “Where did you put your shirt? You are starting to shiver.” Exactly, he was cold. It was totally not the fact that Stephen's hand was on his bare back, not at all.

“Should be lying around here, somewhere.” He had actually forgotten where he threw it. Thank the lord that his friend was always better at finding stuff than he was.   
  
“There we go.” He left his side to pick the garment off the floor. And then Tony remembered-

“Your shirt, hm? Really looks like one of mine. One of my favourites nonetheless.” He threw an accusing look at him. “I thought you only forgot your sleeping clothes?” 

_Think._

“You see-”

“I guess that happens when you leave when it’s still dark. Can’t see what you’re putting on exactly.” He flung the shirt at him in anger. “Just don’t leave it lying around on the floor. God knows what kind of stuff you usually have on this ground. You should really clean up from time to time.”

He just nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

“So, let's go upstairs. You promised me a talk.” Stephen went for the door but was stopped by Tony calling after him.

“No! How about we stay here and talk?” He quickly put his shirt back on, only struggling a bit when it came to his damaged arm; alright, more than a bit.

His friend turned around; one hand already on the doorknob and a disapproving look on his face. “Really? This place is a mess, Anthony. No one wants to stay here longer than necessary.”

 _He has point._ To other people, his workshop might look like it had been the victim of a bomb explosion but everything was precisely in his place. It wasn’t his fault that other people didn’t the see the structure.

“It’s just…” He sighed and scratched his head. “I’d rather not stay anywhere else in this house for the moment.” The whole place was filled with memories and although not all of them were bad ones per se- thinking about them wasn’t exactly lifting his mood.

His parents- especially his mother had never really been down here. She had known that once Tony was working on something it wouldn’t do much good interrupting him. He was always lost in his own mind then.

He worked better alone and other than some people she had always respected that. He missed her. Although he was still unbelievably mad at her she had always been a source of support.

Stephen seemed to catch on his line of thought. “Alright. Then let’s make some corner here somewhat presentable. You remember how I once sat down on a screwdriver?”, he complained while starting to clean up the mess on one of his couches. It was a mystery to him how some of those parts had ended up on it.

“Come on. Sit down.”, Stephen suggested, well, demanded by the tone of his voice and Tony was in no state to contradict him. He simply did as he was told, squirming in anticipation for the following conversation.

“Alright. What do you want to know, Stevie?”, he asked as soon as he got somewhat comfortable. “Be-”

“Everything.”

“Precise.”, he sighed out and rubbed his face. “Do I really have to tell you everything?” He remembered what had happened when he had tried telling Yinsen about the accident. He didn’t want to have to relive that.

Stephen pursued his lips, deep in thought. “Fine. What about the arc reactor in your chest? Why is it there? And how does it save you from dying?” That was clearly bothering him the most. Tony couldn’t blame him.

“When I was… over there, you know, I met someone. He was also a prisoner. He saved my life.” He nervously twisted his fingers. “You see; when they captured me..”

His heart started to pound, his breath was quickening by the second. Tony closed his eyes, trying to calm down somehow. “When they attacked my escort…”  _No, I can’t do this._ “I’m sorry- I just- I need a minute-” He tried to get up but Stephen softly reached for his arm, holding him in place.   
  
“Anthony, remember: deep breaths. In. And out.” Tonys panicked eyes searched his for help but Stephen stayed completely calm. “Come on. Breath in.” He didn’t let go of the terrified genius.

Tony took a deep breath, air filling his lungs slowly. “That’s it.”, he heard Stephens soothing, deep voice beside him. “Let it in. You have to calm yourself, okay?” He nodded, eyes still closed, completely focused on the man speaking. “And out.”

Stephen was a doctor or at least he would probably be one day.  _Trust him. He knows what to do._ He was surprised how much trust was actually left in him.  _That’s gonna bite you in the ass real soon. Just wait for it._

“Feeling better?” His friend reassuringly squeezed his arm, very softly to not trigger anything again. “Listen, when this is too much… we don’t have to continue.” Tony could hear how much it bothered him not to know what happened there; but still, he was willing to let go of it. Just for him.

_Just for me._

“I have to tell you something.”, he blurted out clumsily, making Stephen slightly lean back.   
  
“What is it?”, he asked with a little tilt of his head. He was so beautiful.

_I’m in love with you._

“Anthony? You are staring.”

_Oh._

“I-”, he started hesitantly, not sure how to continue. “I-”  _Damn it._

“You… what?” Stephen’s eyes pierced him.  _Now._

“I got half-blown up by a Stark Industries bomb over there and now there are shrapnel in my chest that will damage my heart fatally if I don’t have the arc reactor to keep them away from it.”

_Smooth._

He looked at his friend who was blinking rapidly, trying to process what he had just heard. “You… got hit by a bomb?”, he whispered, at last, breaking the tense silence.   
  
“Basically.” He rubbed his hands together. “Happy now?”

“Happy?”, Stephen asked angrily. “I swear if these people weren’t dead already-” He hopped off the couch and started pacing in front of the still sitting Tony. “How  _dare_  they?”, he hissed to himself. Tony wasn’t sure if he realised that he was still here.

“I did meet someone though.”, he interrupted Stephens self-conversation. “He helped me a lot. I wouldn’t be alive without him.” He needed to tell someone about him. He couldn’t let him get forgotten. He deserved so much better.

His friend stopped and turned towards him. “You mentioned so earlier.” He ruffled his hair and sighed. “Another prisoner, right? How did he save your life?” He looked so lost, Tony hated it.   
  
The next hour was filled with praises falling from his mouth while he told Stephen everything he had learned from and about Ho Yinsen while he was stuck with him in Afghanistan. Everything he had told him about himself, about people. Of course everything except for  _that bit_.

“He saved my life.”, he ended his monologue; Stephen still standing in front of him and listening. “And I let him down.”  _You killed me._ His nightmare had been right. He didn’t do everything in his power. He was still breathing.

“Bullshit.”

Tony’s eyes shot up. “What?” Stephen was just a few inches away from him now, hands on hips and glaring at him. He really nailed that angry mom look.

“He told you his plan was to see his family once it was all over, didn’t he?”

Tony made a face. “Well, yeah but-”

“Did he or did he not?”

He straightened his shoulders. “He did.”

“See?”, Stephen told him. “It was obviously his priority to keep you alive. Understandable.” He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand what that meant for his life.   
  
“Can’t you see? It’s not alright, Stephen! He gave his life up to save mine. Do you know what that means?” He shook his head, brown locks falling in his face and irritating him even more. “How can I ever live up to that? How can I ever make it up to him?”

_Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life._

Yinsen’s last words made it even harder. How could he do that?

“You live.” Stephen’s words were so blunt and straightforward. “Do you think he’d want you to sit here and waste your time by saying you don’t deserve to live? Do you think that is what he died for?

Tony shook his head slowly.   
  
“Me neither. Listen, I understand that must be hard for you but putting yourself down like that won’t make this better. It sure as hell won’t bring him back. That’s just not possible. So,-” He knelt in front of him and gave him a soft smile. “How about you make him proud?”

Why did this idiot have to remind Tony every second of his life why he was so in love with him? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t okay.

“I’m supposed to be the smart one here.”, he mumbled quietly which earned him a loud huff.

“Please, don’t insult me like that. We both know I have always been the smart one.” He smirked and gave him a quick wink. “And besides, I’ve heard from a very reliable source that we both are rather stupid when it comes to social interactions.”

Tony chuckled. “Pepper really put you in your place, eh?” Stephen shrugged. “Rightly so.”

“Very funny, Anthony.” He reached for his hand. “Speaking of Potts, she and Christine want to meet us at Randy’s Donuts at around 5. Come on, I bet we will be late.” He pulled Tony up with little force. “Jarvis, how late is it?”

“It’s currently 4.13 p.m, Mister Strange.”, the A.I voice answered immediately.

“Have you eaten something today, Anthony?”

“Of course I have.”

“Jarvis?”

“Mister Stark hasn’t left the workshop once since he arrived here early in the morning.”

Stephen didn’t look surprised.   
  
“Fine. I got a bit carried away.”, Tony admitted but now that he thought about it his stomach started to growl. “I had to work on something.”

“I can imagine.”  _No, you can’t._ “But really, not once? Didn’t you need to use the toilet? You have been down here for hours.” That made Tony grin widely.

“You see-”

“No. Nevermind, I don’t even want to hear it. Quickly now.”

“Why are you stressing this so much? We have plenty of time, Stevie.”, Tony grumbled while getting ready to follow his friend upstairs.  _Especially when you drive just as fast as when you got here._

“Yes but I need to buy some razors before that. So, move your ass.”

Tony resisted the urge to groan.  _Damn it._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this wasn't supposed to become such a monster of a fic. I am sorry.


End file.
